Some years ago I met a woman who was like no woman I had ever met before. I knew within about three hours there was something quite wrong with her, but I did not know exactly what. I ended up seeing her for a few weeks and in that time came to some conclusions.
After much thought, I was able to formulate Bob’s Guide to Avoiding Crazy Women.
The first red flag: if they start talking about how they were sexually abused when younger, stay away. I mean if they start talking about it within the first TEN MINUTES of meeting them.
That’s what this woman did, and I realized she was portraying herself as a victim. Then, not too long after the abuse stories, she told me that men are responsible for all (or maybe she said almost all) the problems in the world.
That’s the second red flag, because she was again portraying herself as a victim. When anyone – male or female – does this, they are full of hostility toward the other sex.
Since these people portray themselves as victims, they believe they’re always in the right, which means YOU are always in the wrong.
They have no sense of your boundaries, which they are always violating. On the other hand, they are excruciatingly sensitive to you violating their boundaries, to the point they imagine it when it’s not there.
She once told her she thought she was a stopgap to me, on my way to another woman. The idea had never occurred to me, and wasn’t true in the slightest. In fact, when I tried to protest, I couldn’t get a word in. Again, she was portraying herself as a victim – this time of me.
People like this are known as "character disorders." To them, it’s never their fault; it’s always your fault. They don’t even know they’re doing it, and if you point it out, it doesn’t register. That’s why therapy doesn’t work on these people.
They're narcissists of one kind or another: borderline, histrionic, or just plain old narcissist. They can be. unfortunately, very charming. They can make you feel special, which I've heard called "love bombing."
One of my friends got involved with a woman like this, because she hid what she was for a few months. It took him quite a while to get her out of his condo, and for a while ended up drinking a bottle of wine a night because of the stress. I told him he was an abused man. He had no answer for that.
Incidentally, most men who are abused by women don’t even know they’re being abused. It takes quite a while for the fact to penetrate.
Another bizarre thing about people like this is that they lack empathy, and don’t even know it. It’s why they wreak havoc in people’s lives, and especially in intimate relationships. It’s because your feelings don’t count. Again, they don’t do this on purpose – they don’t even know they’re doing it, and when it’s pointed out, still can’t realize it.
These people unfortunately can’t have real relationships, since other people exist only to serve them. In a phrase, they lack respect and consideration for others.
And without respect, trust and appreciation, you have no relationship worth anything.