Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Some Women as Situational "Lesbians"

Some years ago I read an article that said some women's sexuality was far more fluid than men's. I have found this to be true.

I have encountered about three women, whose marriages did not work out, sometimes after 20 years, who became lesbians. They even started to look like dykes. One I went to high school with.

In every case, I repeat again, their marriages failed.

Ominously, they also had odd relationships with their parents, mostly with their fathers. Sometimes the relationships weren't bad, but too good. They idealized their fathers, which meant no man could measure up to their fantasies. So they ended up with women. And every of them was in their late forties and early fifties.

The last one who turned into one of those situational lesbians got divorced and ended up living in a crummy studio apartment and being a substitute teacher. She once asked me to unplug her sink and when I was in there put her hand on my back. I know what that meant. I wasn't interested.

It's not many women who turn out like this. But it certainly does seem to be associated with with some oddball relationships with the father and unfulfilled romantic relationships with men.

I asked a friend of mine if he had noticed the same thing. The answer: yes.


Perhaps this has something to do with the fact the feminine is the passive, emotional and receptive (if that "evolved," just how the hell did that happen?). Either way, women in general are a lot more confused than men - if men don't lead.

Unfortunately this confirms the ancient wisdom that women don't know what they want, and to never listen to what they and only want they do. And if let to their own devices will destroy society. So, men must always rule.


Elusive Wapiti said...

"Some years ago I read an article that said some women's sexuality was far more fluid than men's"

Dunno if it was at my place where you read about it, but I've mentioned it here and here.

Novaseeker said...

It's not that they are lesbian, it's that they are more flexible, generally, than men are. Most women still do not seek to have sexual relationships with other women, but they are not nearly as disgusted by the concept of that as most straight men are.

I do think that among the younger crowd (say, under 30-35), that a LOT of same sex experimentation has happened in the 20s among women -- not in most cases leading to any sort of relationship, but experimentation. Again, very different from men (not much same sex experimentation going on among men who are not self-identifying as gay).

Glen Filthie said...

I have some reluctant expertise on lesbians, fellas. My daughter is gay.

It is my belief that it is something they are born with. Right from day one my daughter was not comfortable with men and to be honest I was never comfortable around her. Even as a newborn she didn't like to be held and she squirmed and cried. She was cold, reclusive and furtive and avoided boys like the plague.

She would stay locked up in her room on the computer for days and I would try to get her to go out and be with people - but she steadfastly and sullenly refused. When I insisted she perceived it as punishment and torment. I admit I was a shitty father, I wanted her to do well at school and getting good marks was law. She had to keep her nose clean - but other than that I was at a loss for what to do with her. When she hit her teens she became a nightmare. She still stayed in her room but came out to stir up shit and start arguments with me - and even her mother couldn't reach her. When she was in her mid twenties we finally had a blow up worthy of a Jerry Springer show - and she moved out with a large, homely girlfriend. She took a fine arts course at university, took out student loans to finance it and today I hear she works as an apprentice bicycle mechanic making peanuts. She doesn't have a car, she lives with a bunch of other gay hipsters in a dump in Vancouver...but I suppose for her that is happiness. She's 30 years old this spring. We wish her well, I love her...but goddamn my soul, a big part of me is so glad she's gone and we don't speak anymore. If a tree falls in her forest, I definitely don't want to hear it. I just want to grow old, raise dogs, ride motorcycles, and drink coffee with the other old farts like Uncle Bob. I want to put my years of fatherhood behind me, bury the bodies, mourn my dead...and move on.

Combine that with this: all women seem to CRAVE drama. That is why they buy the super market glossy rag sheet tabloids, that is why they are addicted to afternoon soap operas, and that is why they have turned the workplace into a politically correct minefield. The vast majority of dykes are even worse. Their family lives are shit shows and they LOVE it. I think it makes them feel powerful and in control of things. But what do I know? I don't have a gender studies degree.

I sometimes wonder if Captain Capitalism isn't full of shit on his stance with 'Useless Degree Programs'. Given the recent proliferation of deviants, degenerates and perverts...perhaps such degrees may become useful in the effort to understand them?

GAH. Such has been my experience with queers.

novaseeker said...

The small number of women who are 100% lesbian (stats generally have it at less than 3% of women) are probably born that way. There are, however, far more than 3% of women who have been in a relationship with another woman, and even more who have experimented sexually with other women. And then there are some women, like Cynthia Nixon, who adopted lesbianism later in life, and who says emphatically that she was not born that way (at least she did before Gay, Inc. told her to shut up).

So, yes, there are women who are born that way, but there are quite a few more women who are doing lesbian things who do not have a fixed lesbian orientation, or who "switch" back and forth in a kind of unconscious bisexuality which is really more like sexual fluidity. It's pretty different than it is for men, who do not seem to exhibit anything like that, and seem to be more fixed in orientation from day one (again, only a small number of fixed gay orientation or bisexual men).

There is something a bit strange going on with the rise of pornography, however. Some stories are floating around about guys who are straight but who have watched a LOT of pornography having their desire vectors morph due to the porn, and the need for "new" images in order to get the same dopamine hit from them -- and that sometimes this morphing ventures into areas like pornography involving transsexuals or even gay pornography. If that is in fact happening with some men, it would imply that there is at least *some* plasticity among men, sexually, but that in order for it to be triggered, rather extreme amounts of "normal" stimulus have to be consumed.

Unknown said...


I read about this probably 25 years ago, and I've got the impression since then some women can switch back and forth...and I still get the impression they prefer men.

I sometimes think of the writer Alice Sheldon, who was pretty messed up her entire life. She said she liked men a lot but only women really lit her up. Yet she was married to the same man for about 25 years.

And when I say messed up, I mean messed up. She tried to kill herself a few times, then when her husband become terminally ill, then shot him, wrapped towel around her head, lay down next to him and then shot herself.

"Gays" in general have some pretty severe problems, which is why I think these situational lesbians have some problems themselves.

marko said...

Sorry about your situation Glen. I think as homosexuality becomes more normalized in the U.S., we'll see even greater instability in hetro relationships as girls (and some guys) who would otherwise be completely straight become more sexually fluid if for no other reason than because the TV now says it's cool.

Anonymous said...

"Some stories are floating around about guys who are straight but who have watched a LOT of pornography having their desire vectors morph due to the porn, and the need for "new" images in order to get the same dopamine hit from them - and that sometimes this morphing ventures into areas like pornography involving transsexuals or even gay pornography."

One of Hugh Hefner's "Bunnies" was reporting a few years back that his "lovemaking" sessions with his girls (no doubt accomplished with the aid of copious Viagra) consist of the girls "taking care" of themselves, while Hugh watches male-on-male homosexual pornography and plays with himself. It's hardly surprising- after 60 years of constant daily exposure to pages and pages of pornography, plus regular sexual intercourse with hundreds and hundreds of ambitious bimbos with daddy issues and fake tits... well, it's not hard to see how he could get disgusted with the fairer sex.

That's not really "fluidity", though. It's more like the way some people get turned off of certain liquors after getting sick on them once (I have a friend who can't even stand the smell of tequila, ever since he finished almost a whole bottle by himself in a single night).

The sad part is how Hefner has always tried to pass himself off as "cool" and "suave", when he's clearly just a twitchy, socially awkward sex addict.