Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Lack of Gratitude and Appreciation Will Kill Just About Everything

"The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated." - William James

"When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears." - Tony Robbins

"Ingratitude is the essence of vileness." -- Immanuel Kant

My, how things have changed. How things always change, and oftentimes for the worse. I can't quite remember the quote, or who said it (one of those Greek guys, I think), but it was along the lines of, "Any change not necessary is an evil." But then, change is inherent in nature, including change for the worse, so we'd better make sure we can minimize the disruptions. We're not doing a very good job of that right now.

I see a fair amount of lack of respect and appreciation today. Indeed, I see quite a few small fish in even smaller pools, who think they are big fish. They are incapable of handling even the slightest bit of authority, and that translates into trying to humiliate people...which they don't even know they trying to do.

The German word "achtung" means "attention, respect, esteem." German often seems to have more accurate words than English, such as "vorfreude," which means "the joyful anticipation for something or someone." Then there is one that has made it into English: "schadenfreude," which means the pleasure you get from the misfortunes of others. In English, it's usually reserved for those who deserve their misfortunes.

But I digress a bit.

In college I had a friend who was practically a dwarf. No, not really. He was just short, about 5'6". I was mystified at some of the things he told me. Women who stood him up on dates. Ones who left in the middle of dates. Ones who insulted him about his height. He didn't get much respect, or appreciation, from some women.

No respect, no appreciation, no gratitude. Enough so that he clearly remembers it. Fortunately, he did get enough to turn into a decent guy.

People who don't get the appreciation they should - which means people are grateful to them - handle it in different ways. Sometimes they think they deserve it, which leads to depression and self-abasement.

Some just get resentful and angry. I think the French word "ressentiment" is more accurate: "a sense of hostility directed at that which one identifies as the cause of one's frustration, that is, an assignment of blame for one's frustration." Which means if you are abused and disrespected, and don't get much appreciation, or gratitude, you're going to figure out who is doing that to you, and zero in on them, perhaps looking to deal out some revenge...or justice.

Now as for those who don't feel any gratitude or appreciation, they've got their problems, too, and they are some pretty damn big ones. I am reminded of something Meister Eckhart said: "If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough."

Now that I think about it, saying "Thank you," although these days it's just a formality, really is supposed to mean, "I'm grateful to you for what you did for me."

Robbins is right: when you are grateful, fear does disappear and you feel that abundance that Eckhart hinted at.

One of the biggest places where I see a lack of respect is in the workplace. I'm not surprised when someone walks off and sabotages the place. I've seen that, more than once. Or sues the place. I've seen that, too, more than once.

The second biggest problem I've seen is the relationships between men and women, and when it comes to lack of gratitude and appreciation, it's women who are the biggest offenders.

Men have generally been protectors/providers, and now that's being thrown in their faces, even taken away. And what do many women reciprocate with? Contempt, disrespect.

Contempt is the biggest predictor of divorce. There are in fact four main predictors of divorce: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.

So many men have been so criticized and held in contempt they have become defensive and started stonewalling. They are now "divorcing" women without even being married. And they're refusing to get married, so they're not providing for them. They're starting to cease protecting them. Or else they're Going Their Own Way. Or they're turning the tables and becoming predators.

Almost all of this - perhaps all of it - is caused by a lack of respect, gratitude, appreciation.

The contract has been broken. I'd actually call it a sacred contract, and it's been thrown in the gutter.


jim said...

Women have the government now. I as a male am trying my best to make sure I contribute as little as possible into it. Suck it dry gals because once it's finished, so are you.

Glen Filthie said...

They are doing just that, Jim...and the writing is on the wall.

I've drawn my line in the sand. I don't care how many women and stupid people disagree with it, I don't care how offended they get.

Divorce and single parent families are not acceptable. Homosexuality is a perversion and unhealthy one. We are not all created equal. There SHOULD be a social stigma about accepting charity and welfare.

It is hard to find things to be thankful for in modern 'femc*nt' women today...but I am thankful for my old world wife.

jim said...

On the topic of social contracts, let's not forget to include the one between men. In that it's a commonplace notion in the manosphere that women will cheat. Some men in these parts forget that it takes two to tango and that sometimes when playing with fire that possibly one might get burned. I don't place blame squarely at the feet of women nor should they bear the burdens of accountability alone. There are plenty of men who are scumbags.

Take The Red Pill said...

Jim: "...There are plenty of men who are scumbags."

Agreed. No argument whatsoever.
But don't forget that 'scumbags' are the kind of men that women love and just can't seem to get enough of.
Until they're approaching 30, of course (and they also see 'The Wall' making it's approach on them). Then they start their well-known cry of, "Where are all the Good Men?"...the same 'Good Men' that they treated like dirt all their privileged lives.
Scumbag men wouldn't exist if women wouldn't support and reward scumbag behavior.

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for a year now, and I regularly check in to see updates.

Well done with this excellent piece. It is good to have a philosopher for our own time.

Keep up the great work and thanks for a year of great posts.

sunshinemary said...

Good post.

Men have generally been protectors/providers, and now that's being thrown in their faces, even taken away. And what do many women reciprocate with? Contempt, disrespect.

The lack of gratitude women have for their men astounds me. Over the past couple of weeks I've done several posts encouraging women to contemplate all the things they have to be grateful to their husbands for and to express that gratitude. Some women participated, but I was surprised that there were a handful of women who were outraged by it. They said it would be bragging or boasting for women to express gratitude for their men. I was shocked. No wonder men are losing interest in marriage, with that attitude coming from women.

Chris said...

I'm 5'7". In high school, I was a shy, nerdy type, so I got my share of disrespect. Fortunately, I had good parents, whose advice was, "forget them, lots of fish . . " I dated girls taller than me, even. And the summer after high school (1969), I met the girl who would, over 4 years later, become my wife. My success, as you have touched on in other essays, was that I could make people laugh. Still can.