Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Contempt is the Biggest Predictor of Divorce

Psychologists who study relationships have found they can watch a 15-minute tape of a couple and predict divorce with a 95% accuracy rate. They can watch the tape with the sound off and look for micro-expressions of, first and foremost, contempt. The other three things they look for are defensiveness, stonewalling (emotional withdrawal), and criticism.

Watching five minutes of a tape gives a 90% accuracy rate of divorce. Three minutes gives an 80% accuracy rate.

I once interviewed a young couple who I knew the were going to get divorced. She was showing contempt toward him, criticizing him - and he was sitting there stone-faced. And she was doing this in public, in front of me. She was trying to humiliate and belittle him in front of me.

The Greeks originally defined Hubris as humiliating people in public and considered it so obscene they banned the portray of it in their theaters. In fact, the word "obscene" meant "not to be shown in public."

Many of these individual cases have nothing to do with feminism but feminism is based on the contempt for men. It seems to be getting worse today, with hallucinations about "The End of Men" and how guys are supposed to "man up" for women who aren't worth it.

It's all based on contempt for men, although it's disguised as demands for "fairness" and "justice." Badness always does disguise itself as good.

Feminism was always about some women devaluing men because of their envy of men. If you believe someone has power over you, you want to take the power away from them. Contempt is one way to devalue them. It's also a good way to not have, or else destroy, a relationship with a man.

I've seen claims the Manosphere is not a response to feminism. It is. If men's lives were successful these days they wouldn't looking for advice from its leaders (some of whom give very bad advice).

A fair amount of the Manosphere is based on men's envy of women and the attempt to reduce their power by devaluing them, Hence, all these articles about PUAs, (Pick-Up Artists) and "Game." (Of course, not all the Manosphere is like that, but a noticeable amount is.)

The Manosphere's attempt to devalue women also shows contempt for them. Look at the portrayal of women as gold-digging whores incapable of love, who rationalize everything, who have no self-awareness whatsoever, who are only interested in their "'gina tingles" (I've told a lot of women about that and they've all said "What?") and who are only interested in "Alpha Fux and Beta Bux." Yet this is portrayed as a good thing.

I once knew a 49-year-old spinster who had a cat because she didn't have a husband, children and a home. She told me "men are responsible for all the problems in the world" and that "I don't need a man in my life right now." She also said all the men she knew had baggage from past relationships and wouldn't accept her "career."

What she was showing was envy. She felt men had denied her husband, children and home. As as defense she devalued men to deny their power over her - and this involved her showing contempt for them.

I've met other women like this. Now what the the chance any of them will never have a solid relationship with a man? With their devaluation and contempt? And a red flag about the influence of feminism is men not accepting women's careers.

A fair number of women today are hostile and unpleasant. They don't even know it. Again, this is the influence of feminism.

In response, the Manosphere advises men to become immune to what women say. This actually is an old philosophy known as Stoicism, and it's also about bravery and self-control, which are two of the Four Cardinal Virtues. There is nothing new in the Manosphere, which readers don't know because they have no understanding of history.

St. Paul also said women were not to teach and to not talk back. Sound familiar?

A lot the advice from the Manosphere, being based on devaluing women and showing contempt for them, isn't going to improve men's lives. No more than feminism improved women's lives - although it took them a long time to find that out.

The opposite of contempt and envy is gratitude and appreciation. There are so many quotes about gratitude I suggest you look them up on the interest. But I will quote one from Thorton Wilder: "We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures."

These attempts at domination, control, and manipulation, based on contempt and envy and fear...they'll never give what people think they will.


Hiram Lutefisk said...

Women aren't nen. They don't like being treated the way men like being treated. You'd know that if you respected them enough to base your conclusions on observing them with an open mind, and/or if you had any understanding of history. You need to let go of your envy and contempt for men who understand women.

Anonymous said...

You mean to tell me that women are not gold digging whores?????

I did not know that. Really I didn't.

Gilbert Ratchet said...

90% probability of divorce... within what time frame? I seem to remember that this was one of the anecdotes in Gladwell's Blink. He talked about predicting divorce based on an absurdly small amount of observation. But then the window for divorce was fifteen years! I.e. all of a sudden we're not being so exact. It's a slightly less extreme version of "in the long run, we're all dead"