Sunday, January 19, 2014

Can You Really Have It Both Ways?

I don't believe anything unless it jibes with my experience and if it makes logical sense and doesn't have any holes in it. This means I am relentlessly poking holes in whatever concept I encounter. I am always looking for holes in my own concepts, because if you don't do that, then you end up dead in the water.

Some people don't like this at all, since it's criticizing what they believe is the Truth. Since they are convinced they have the Truth, that makes them fanatics, which means they attack the witches, the heretics, the blasphemers.

For example, women are supposedly attracted to "bad boys" (for whatever "Evo-Pysch" concept that can be conjured). Yet at the same time they are supposed to be "hypergamous," which means they want guys with lots of money, or guys who are successful and confident and whom they can look up to.

Unfortunately for these concepts, you can't have it both ways. Of course, I can also figure out the rationalizations I'm going to hear: Bad Boys who make a lot of money. Who's that? A drug-dealing motorcycle gang member?

Give me a break on this, okay? No more rationalizations.

Some women (a vanishingly small minority) are attracted to bad boys. I've seen it in my own family, and it's a catastrophe. Divorce, adultery, spousal abuse, violence, damaged children, poverty, drug addiction, alcoholism. Early death from organ failure - that's what drug and alcohol abuse will do to you.

Bad Boys also exhibit the "Dark Triad" (which itself doesn't make much sense), which is supposed to be like catnip to women. I know all about the Dark Triad. I was raised with these monsters, and had one of them (a serial killer who graduated from the same university I did) murder a woman I worked with, murder a pregnant woman, and also threw a teenaged girl's body on the side of the road. Police also think he murdered another teenaged girl, but they can't prove that one. When the police came to question him he hid behind his wife.

Now those of course are the worst of the Dark Triad, but even the less worse ones are awful. Like the time when I was 21, playing pool downstairs in a bar, and a gunfight breaks out around me. So I dived under the pool table. It happened so fast I didn't have time to be scared, although to this day I don't like gunshots - even though I fire pistols a lot.

To this day I have no idea where my pool cue went. After the smoke cleared and the ambulatory shooter was gone, I was upstairs in an instant.

The instigator ended up in the hospital, screaming he was going to die (which he did) and the other guy had a .38 round go in his temple, circle around around the back of his skull, and come to rest near his other temple, still inside his head. He survived.

My mother was one of those who treated him at the hospital (which is why I know the other guy was screaming he was going to die) and he was going to get up and walk out, but was persuaded to stay so the surgeon could take the bullet out of his head.

These people are malignant. They worship themselves and other people are things to them.

Both were "bad boys" and they were not popular with women. A few women were attracted to them, but they were scrawny hawk-faced crackhead trash (today they'd be meth-heads) who lost their teeth and what few looks they had really fast. An obsession with "bad boys" is actually a mental illness known as Hybristophilia - "a paraphilia of the predatory type in which sexual arousal, facilitation, and attainment of orgasm are responsive to and contingent upon being with a partner known to have committed an outrage, cheating, lying, known infidelities or crime, such as rape, murder, or armed robbery." I know a woman who has it and she almost hates herself and doesn't want to be like that.

One explanation for Hybristophilia is that the woman has control over them - if he's in prison (and for Hybristophiliacs, most of the men are) then they know where he's at all the time, and they don't have to do anything for him. In other words, they are controlling, irresponsible women.

Anyone who supports the Dark Triad, and thinks that's what they are, are nothing of the sort, and clearly have problems with their own masculinity - wimps trying to pretend they are tough guys. It's the same with those who babble the are "Alphas" or "pretty Alpha" - they aren't. I would not trust these guys in the slightest to cover my back - they're all hat, no cattle.

As for "hypergamy," in college it was pointed out to me that women see men as Success Objects, and men saw women as Beauty Objects. These concepts are relative and fluid. I know a woman who likes smart, knowledgeable men and as teenager had somewhat of a crush on Richard Feynman, of all people. Rare? Yes. But it does happen. Another went from an Ugly Duckling to a swan from 12 to 13, and never liked "handsome" guys. She was only attracted to "unusual." I knew another one who told me she only attracted to "tall, slender" guys - 5'll to 6'1", 160 to 170.

People almost always end up with people who are about as good-looking and intelligent as they are.

When people start building on concepts that don't work very well, there is an old saying about that: a house built on sand.

"By their fruits you shall know them."


Anonymous said...

I mean that some women are attracted to unusual guys is clear. But the point is what the other 90% are attracted to. Bad Boy and high status is not a contradiction, but a corelation. So high status people (in a group not society) can allow themself to be a bad boy and they have to, to hold their status. Your examples of bad boys are extreme. These kind of criminals are not functional. So they don't get high status. Bad Boy means dominance in communication accepted by the group, nothing more.

Anders said...

One thing that really bugs me about game, is the fictional concept of the "abundance mentality."
Fact: in any given region or area, there are significantly more males than females.
Fact: there are significantly more fat, ugly, and fat and ugly females than there are attractive females in the US.
So in reality, there is no abundance of attractive females, and the game is zero sum. Yet all these players are bragging to me how they get all the attractive women and I get none... which leads to humiliation and then violent revenge. At least that is what is going through my mind. But this is where the so called game ultimately leads.

Glen Filthie said...

Good grief - yes.

Boys - a marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. Most of these manosphere cretins think it's a power game. The pick-up artists will never understand the power and value of a real relationship any more that the boys 'going their own way'.

Then they sit around and piss and moan because they can't make a go of it in 'today's economy'. This is one of the few problems I have with Captain Capitalism, for example. It's not the economy, stupid! You NEED two incomes nowadays! It's been like that forever!

I am beginning to have grave doubts about the so-called manosphere. It has value but it has serious problems too.

Anonymous said...

"People almost always end up with people who are about as good-looking and intelligent as they are."

Yes, I always called this "water finds its own level". Frankly, that's the way it ought to be. However, over the last 40 years or so, Hollywood and Madison Avenue have programmed their viewers to think they deserve someone several levels above their weight class (in looks, intelligence, social position, etc.) The proponents of Game are no different; many are selling the idea that if you develop enough mad, jedi mind skills you too can have the model girl of your dreams. Bollocks! It's more like: if you develop yourself, have a direction in life, build a social network and maintain it and become a person worth being around, then and only then, will you be able to attract a girl and hopefully keep her. And most likely she'll be in your "league". Getting a relationship and keeping it are two different skill sets.

I frequently read posts in the Manosphere about how you don't have to be an attractive guy to get a hot girl. Well, yes, that's true to a degree. And I do see that in my city somewhat. But it just may be that what men think is attractive in other men and what women really find attractive are two different things. Women love an attractive man! But from my observation over the years, that's roughly 5% of the population. Height is the common factor, A head full of thick, shiny hair is another one along with a good solid or athletic build. Depending on how attractive he is, his personality needs to be good, as well. He can't be round-heeled but not an obnoxious jerk either. The middle road is best. A good friend of mine is a 5%-er, and he struggles with women. Meeting them is not his problem. Keeping them interested is. He's not exactly the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree and he's a bit of a pushover. Women figure this out quickly and lose interest. It's sad to see. At the office all the girls had crushes on me and not him. He's 6'3" and can bench press a Buick. I'm 5'11" and can bench press 190lbs (I have a lean build, alright!). But I had a more cavalier/cocky funny attitude than he did. I should also add that I'm a pretty good looking, too.

The point is, if you look at the women both he and I go out with, we both date women who are around our own attractiveness levels. You still need some Game, but that's basically just be a decent man and not letting people walk all over you. No lines or routines needed for that….