Friday, September 13, 2013

Too Popular & Too Flirty Leads to Being Alone

Starting in college I began to notice that some girls were very flirty and very popular. One in particular would really hit on guys she liked with obvious compliments. She was asked out a lot.

The reason I know these things is because she hit on me and I got to know her quite well. She was of course very attractive. In some ways she was astonishing. Most of the girls just moped around and wondered why they weren't being asked out. This girl just cleaned up.

She had also been a cheerleader in high school, which made her an extrovert who sought a lot of attention. I have found these very extroverted types tend to be unstable, since they believe all good comes from the outside, from other people.

Things didn't work out for her. When she got to be about 27 she wasn't asked out so much anymore. Then when she got a little older she wasn't asked out at all. She ended up being unmarried, with no children, living in an apartment with a cat.

She also became more than a little hostile to men and blamed her problems on them.

It was bizarre to see that transformation, yet I have seen it more than once. A popular flirt, an extrovert, who gets older and finds out her game is no longer working. The attention dries up. Guys no longer pay much attention to her. She blames it on men and not on herself. Then she becomes hostile because she went from the center of attention to getting no attention at all.

I've known more than one woman who wasn't popular at all. They weren't very attractive. And I've seen it happen to men a lot. I knew guys in college - a lot of them - who had no dates, no girlfriend, who were utterly unpopular. Yet these extroverted flirty types can't seem to put themselves in these other people's shoes. They can't see how lucky they are. They have no gratitude or appreciation.

If she had been my daughter I would have told her, "There is such a thing as being too extroverted, too popular, too flirty. Guys might just see you as a party girl and not someone to get serious with. And I guarantee you the day will come when all that attention dries up, and if you haven't found a serious relationship by then you probably never will. To end up alone as a hostile man-hating spinster with a cat is not much of a life."


Jim said...

Difference is men who are isolated in their younger years tend to get used to it, AKA loners. Women who become isolated in their older years can't. Problem women have is the only pickings they really have in their older years are the men who are used to being alone.

My background is one of being isolated. Fat kids usually are. Weight is gone but at my age, don't have any inclination to even be friends with women. Don't even want them around to tell the truth. Nor do I believe I'm really missing out on anything.

Anonymous said...

Jim you're not alone.

Quartermain said...

Here's a blog you may find interesting:

Peacemaker said...

Age 20: "Oh my god, I hate these fucking creepers checking me out all the time! It's visual rape!"

Age 30: "Why am I single? There aren't any good men out there!"

Age 40: "Come here, Mittens. It's time for your Fancy Feast"