Adventures in Flirting

Admit it, guys. You don't know if a woman's interested in you unless she turns into Shirtless Girl right in front of your eyes. Mostly you just sit there all lumpish and retarded, right?

Now, I'm not saying I can turn you into a Love God (aka "me") but I can give you enough pointers so that you won't be a goggle-eyed melonhead anymore, suavely and most probably drunkenly, asking, "Did it hurt when an angel like you fell from heaven?" (I once saw a guy say, "What's the story, morning glory?" to a girl when I was in college. He told me defensively, "It's the only way I know how to talk to the chicks.")

It all started in college. But let me back up. It didn't start in high school; in it we simply had to jump on a girl to see if she was interested, and even then I knew something was very wrong with all of it.

But foward. One hungover Saturday morning, my roommate and I were eating breakfast at one of those places with a lot of booths. There was a woman about three booths over, eating breakfast by herself. She was facing me, so my roommate couldn't see her.

As I looked at her, and she saw me looking at her, she had some sort of a seizure. At least I thought it was a seizure, at first. She began to bounce up and down, flinging her head around and flipping her hair back from her face with her hand.

"Good Lord," I thought, "I've got Super Villain superpowers! I can make women have fits just by looking at them!" I looked down at my hash browns and eggs and pretended I didn't see her anymore. I figured she was probably really upset by my looking at her.

"Why do you have your nose stuck in your plate?" my roommate asked me.

"I think that woman over might call the cops on me," I answered.

Here I'll stray for a few minutes. How did it ever get to the point where if a man looks at a woman, and she acts funny, he thinks she's upset? In a word: feminism. This leftist house of cards has driven a wedge between women and men, and tried to make men into the enemy. I don't think it's done any good at all (for one thing, many women don't know how to be women anymore, most especially when it comes to attracting a guy's attention).

Here's an example, possibly apocryphal: a guy was walking down the street, and as he passed a woman, he looked at her. She snarled, "What are you looking at?" He responded, "At first, I thought you were attractive, but when I looked twice, I realized you weren't."

It's got the point where men think a joke like that is funny, and wouldn't be surprised if a woman said something like that to them.

Feminism and leftism in general just exacerbate the natural flaws in people. Case in point: years ago my boss at work was on the phone, talking to his boss. What I heard was: "What? Are you kidding? You know that's not true!"

What happened is that he had made what is today one of the most serious work-mistakes a man can make: he dated, one time, a woman he worked with. Major mistake! He didn't want to see her twice, and she was so offended she told his boss he was sexually harassing her. His boss didn't take it seriously (he knew what she was) but he gave my boss a head's up on the woman, to ward off trouble.

What started the whole thing was when my boss gave her five dollars to do a little bit of work for her, and she told his boss that it was to induce her to have sex (he gave her the money instead of dating her again - big, big mistake to give her the money). My boss's boss thought that was funny, commenting she "didn't put much value on herself."

Life lesson #1: at work, never talk to a woman, unless it's work-related. I blame this on the old saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," and also on the fact these inherent flaws in people have been only made worse by feminism.

I once had a woman at work claim I was sexually harassing her, and I concluded she had a crush on me - she had created a relationship where none had existed. So when I told my boss, "She was a crush on you" he responded, "That's what my father told me!"

But back to flirting.

A few weeks later after this woman in the restaurant had a fit, I had a class assignment to cover a talk by a woman who was a supposed expert on flirting. As I was sitting at a table by myself, she walked by me on her way to the podium and banged my chair with her hip, hard enough to move me.

"Aha!" I thought. "Flirting behavior! She likes me!" Later I realized she was probably just nervous and accidently walked into me.

Later she became very well-known - Helen Fisher, for those interested.

Guess what she told the crowd? That the first thing women did when flirting was "the hair flip," along with a big smile, They flip their hair back from their face with a hand. Usually they arch their back and aim their boobage at you, too (and I have had women to these things to me, but not until I was out of college. except for the woman at the restaurant).

In fact, I can only clearly remember this being done to me twice, although it probably happened more than that.

The woman in the restaurant wasn't upset with me. She was flattered because I was looking at her, and I had no idea whatsoever. Clueless I was!

Do not women realize they first show signs of interest and men respond? That, I realized later, was the problem in high school. Even then I realized how dumb it was. I just jumped on a girl in a car without having any idea how she was going to respond (actually, none of them ever said no).

In college I used to wonder how people ever got married. It was always women sittting here like lumps and showing no interest. What exactly where the men supposed to do? Approach all of them and get shot down left and right until one said yes? Good luck with that, you dipshit females!

These days, some women are more interested in brutally attacking innocent men than knowing how to attract them. Is this because of how Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn defined leftism - the murder of the Father? Is there a part of women that wants to destroy men, out of envy and hate - which is what feminism is?

I'm at the age where there are one of me for every five woman. Their "flirting" usually consists of trying to give me food - one actually threw a hamburger in front of me.

Okay, guys, I've done my public service announcement for this week.