Sunday, February 17, 2013

Single Mothers Destroying Boys

I know a 20-year-old who was grinding his teeth so hard when sleeping he shattered one his molars. He was raised by a single woman who didn't want the father in her life and moved out of state to deny him access to his son. I know both the father and mother and the mother is the one with the problems.

Turned out the boy was upset that his mother had deserted him when he was 18, leaving him completely on his own. There were other problems, too, such as the mother not telling the truth about the father (although I'm sure in her mind they weren't lies). Since the boy is finally getting to know his father, it is taking a long time to set things right.

When I was a teenager I used to wonder why there had been in the not-so-distant past such animus toward a woman who had a child out of wedlock. They were considered such a disgrace to the family they were sent away to have the baby and then the baby was given to an orphanage. It seemed extreme.

Turns out it wasn't all that extreme. Children raised by single mothers - especially boys - often have life-long problems. More often than not.

I've had people tell me, "Well, so-and-so was raised by single mother and he turned out just fine." Sigh. That's called the Fallacy of Composition: what it true of the part is not necessarily true of the whole. Just because one boy out of a hundred turned out fine with a single mother has nothing to do with the other 99 who did not.

Take a deep breath. (The following includes girls, by the way.)

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. That's five times times the average. I've known three guys who killed themselves. All of them were not only from fatherless homes; their mothers were also abusive to them. One was my roommate many years ago. He just didn't come home one night. He was found in the woods six months later (and I had to deal with two police officers who had the attitude that I had killed him).

90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes, which is 32 times the average.

85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes. That's 20 times the average. While I have seen boys and girls from decent, intact homes go bad, the guys I've known from fatherless homes are often alcoholics or drug addicts, and I have seen them dead at 45 from their addictions

80% of rapists with anger problems (what other kind is there?) come from fatherless homes, which is 14 times the average. I know what that one's about: it's revenge on abusive mothers displaced onto innocent women. The father wasn't there to stop the mother.

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – nine times the average.

The influence of fathers in education - fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.

Children with fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school.

Children with fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school.

Children with fathers who are involved are more likely to get As in school.

Children with fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.

75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average.

The influence of fathers in drug and alcohol abuse - researchers at Columbia University found that children living in two-parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Teens in single mother households are at a 30% higher risk than those in two-parent households.

It should go without saying that just being there as a father isn't enough. You don't have to be a great father; just a good enough one.

70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes – nine times the average.

85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average.

The influence of fathers in incarceration – even after controlling for income, youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. Youths who never had a father in the household experienced the highest odds. A 2002 Department of Justice survey of 7,000 inmates revealed that 39% of jail inmates lived in mother-only households. Approximately forty-six percent of jail inmates in 2002 had a previously incarcerated family member. One-fifth experienced a father in prison or jail.

The influence of father in crime - a study of 109 juvenile offenders indicated that family structure significantly predicts delinquency. Adolescents, particularly boys, in single-parent families were at higher risk of status, property and person delinquencies. Moreover, students attending schools with a high proportion of children of single parents are also at risk. A study of 13,986 women in prison showed that more than half grew up without their father. Forty-two percent grew up in a single-mother household and sixteen percent lived with neither parent

The influence of fathers on child abuse – compared to living with both parents, living in a single-parent home doubles the risk that a child will suffer physical, emotional, or educational neglect. The overall rate of child abuse and neglect in single-parent households is 27.3 children per 1,000, whereas the rate of overall maltreatment in two-parent households is 15.5 per 1,000.

I have seen that one myself, several times. Some mothers appear to hate their sons and will engage in long-term abuse of them. And if there is no father to stop it...

Daughters of single parents without a father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a premarital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

Adolescent girls raised in a two-parent home with involved fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved fathers.

43% of US children live without their father.

90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.

71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father.

85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.

90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. This one is a huge red flag. Setting fires, torturing animals and peeing the bed is known as the MacDonald triad, or the triad of sociopathy. Now think of why fatherless boys are called bastards - which means a fatherless boy and a cruel, heartless man.

Fatherless boys and girls are twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems.

All of this is really bad stuff. It's even worse when you consider it's men who advance society and who have created civilization and technology. These Lost Boys aren't contributing. They aren't even merely parasites; they're dangerous. And how much lost, dangerous men can society tolerate before it can't survive any longer?

There is a certain kind of woman who will deny women's responsibility in all of this. They will engage in the worst of women's flaws: they will blame everything on men. And they will also claim what is needed is more money, which won't help the problems at all and just might make them worse.

It has got to the point in society that a woman can divorce for no reason and take the father's children and money. Then the children - especially boys - often grow up with those life-long problems of which I just spoke.

Until the early 20th Century, in a divorce, the children were almost always given to the father. We need to return to that. Because if we don't, the problems listed are going to get worse.

1 comment:

stocktonseeker said...

dude, wish i read this ten years ago, i would have saved myself some headaches, oh well, all worked out in the end, found me a nice country girl!
keep up the good work, i enjoy your blog.