Friday, December 26, 2014

Ivana Gonadsoff, Commie She-Wolf

The characters: Ivana Gonadsoff, an Innocent Man, Various Implements of Torture.

Ivana: So, traitor to the People and the Revolution, you claim the Bolsheviks were ten times as bad as the Nazis?

Innocent Man: Look at the facts, you perverted Commie carpet-muncher.

Electrical Generator: BZZZZTT!!!

Man: Yow! And you’re ugly, too!

Ivana: How do you testicles feel after I just fried them with this generator?

Man: You sure do seem to be awfully interested in testicles.

Ivana: You might want to pay more attention to my last name.

Man: You can torture me all you want, even kill me, but you can’t change the facts: the Communists were ten times as bad as the Nazis.

Ivana: So what? We have all kinds of willing liberal dupes in the West who’ve got Cranial-Rectal Inversion so bad they can’t see the truth until they end up in the Gulag. There is no one so blind as someone who just refuses to see.

Man: You would have never won World War II if the West hadn’t helped you.

Ivana: You mean the Great Patriotic War? Thank you, you dumbasses! You let atheistic Bolshevists take over Christian Eastern Europe for 50 years!

Man: The winner always writes the history.

Ivana: The South knows all about that, don’t they? Even though they were in the right, the North still won. Might makes right!

Man: In the long run you’ll lose.

Ivana: Don’t be too sure about that. The default position of the human race is fascism and Communism. The few who have everything and everyone else who has almost nothing. I can live with it, as long as I rule. And I rule you.

Man: Only my body, never my soul.

Ivana: Who cares? We’ll raise children to worship the State. It’s called daycare and public school.

Man: You’re deluding yourself, the way fanatics always delude themselves.

Pliers: CRUNCH!

Man: Yow! You’re still ugly!

Ivana: God! I love the war on counter-revolutionaries! What about you girls?

Students: Yay! For generators, pliers, and blowtorches! Death to the Testicles of the Patriarchy!


Anders said...

The odds of Ms Gonadsoff being a jew are pretty good too.

Unknown said...

Hmm...never thought about that but it makes sense.

Mindstorm said...

I don't know whether the difference was ten times or not, but Bolsheviks were 'equal opportunity' oppressors. Anybody could become the 'enemy of the People' of the week. While Nazis made sure not to aggravate their supporters of the same ethnicity too openly, even if they were to turn anybody else into fertilizer.