Sunday, March 6, 2011

Love is a Drug

Not only is a love a drug, many things are drugs, excluding drugs, of course. Speed is a drug, that is, going fast, not the amphetamine.

Because love is a drug, it can be used by those who consciences are impaired to manipulative people. There is even a term for it: “love bombing.” It means simply overwhelming the person with affection. Cults do it, which is why they can be so effective.

Love bombing works in personal relationships, too. The people who use it are very often predators, who drug their prey with “love, admiration, validation, affection, flattery, laser beam attention, responsiveness and sexual and non-sexual touching.” They hang onto your every word and create a sense of instant rapport, connection and intimacy. These abusers play to your ego needs.

I tried to cover all the bases. If I left anything out, it doesn’t matter. You get the picture.

Many people are seduced by this kind of behavior.

I got the term “emotional bullshit” from a book of the same name: Emotional Bullshit, by Carl Alasko, PhD. He’s the one who came up with the Toxic Trio, although denial, delusion and blame are already well-known.

Denial says: There is no problem. Everything is okay. You’re exaggerating. The issue doesn’t matter; it’s irrelevant. (So I don’t have to change anything.)
Delusion says: Let me tell you what’s really true. Don’t believe what you see. Believe me. (The imaginary world I’ve created works for me.)

Blame says: You’re the problem. I was forced to do it; I had no choice. Or, it just happened. Destiny willed it. (No one understands my true motives. Your accusations only make things worse)

I knew a woman who I suspected (and still do) was a borderline, meaning Borderline Personality Disorder. She was always right; the guy was always wrong. She blamed her problems on men. She imagined things. She demonstrated denial, delusion and blame. She had no idea she was doing it.

I’ve also found: listen to your feelings. If you feel something is wrong, then there is. In other words, if there are red flags, pay attention to them.

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