Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Ivana Gonadsoff, She-Wolf of the KGB

The characters: Ivana Gonadsoff, an Innocent Man, Various Implements of Torture.

Ivana: So, traitor to the People and the Revolution, you claim the Bolsheviks were ten times as bad as the Nazis?

Innocent Man: Look at the facts, you perverted Commie carpet-muncher.

Electrical Generator: BZZZZTT!!!

Man: Yow! And you’re ugly, too!

Ivana: How do you testicles feel after I just fried them with this generator?

Man: You sure do seem to be awfully interested in testicles.

Ivana: You might want to pay more attention to my last name.

Man: You can torture me all you want, even kill me, but you can’t change the facts: the Communists were ten times as bad as the Nazis.

Ivana: So what? We have all kinds of willing liberal dupes in the West who’ve got Cranial-Rectal Inversion so bad they can’t see the truth until they end up in the Gulag. There is no one so blind as someone who just refuses to see.

Man: You would have never won World War II if the West hadn’t helped you.

Ivana: You mean the Great Patriotic War? Thank you, you dumbasses! You let atheistic Bolshevists take over Christian Eastern Europe for 50 years!

Man: The winner always writes the history.

Ivana: The South knows all about that, don’t they? Even though they were in the right, the North still won. Might makes right!

Man: In the long run you’ll lose.

Ivana: Don’t be too sure about that. The default position of the human race is fascism and Communism. The few who have everything and everyone else who has almost nothing. I can live with it, as long as I rule. And I rule you.

Man: Only my body, never my soul.

Ivana: Who cares? We’ll raise children to worship the State. It’s called daycare and public school.

Man: You’re deluding yourself, the way fanatics always delude themselves.

Pliers: CRUNCH!

Man: Yow! You’re still ugly!

Ivana: God! I love the war on counter-revolutionaries! What about you girls?

Students: Yay! For generators, pliers, and blowtorches! And innocent people!

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