Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Box of Porn on the Top Shelf in the Back of the Closet

A woman I know found out about two weeks ago a man she knew had died prematurely about four months ago, at the age of 43, from a heart attack.

He had a small house, full of belongings. His parents did not want to deal with the problem and were paying the rent on his house but otherwise had not touched any of his property. This had gone on for four months.

They told the woman I know to take care of it. So we went over there and cleaned the place up, and cleaned it out.

I got his golf clubs, his coffee bean grinder and a bunch of coffee beans, his Dremel set, his shoeshine kit, a bottle of port and Jack Daniels whiskey, some shoes, socks, his big-screen TV, a set of German-made chef’s knives, his stereo, a boxed paperback set of “The Lord of the Rings,’ a bunch of DVDs and tapes – and his pornography.

One of the two women over there was looking in the closet and saw the Box on the Top Shelf in the Back.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“That’s his pornography,” I told her. “Guys always keep it on in a box in the back on the top shelf in the bedroom closet.”

“You can’t know that. That’s stupid.”

“Open it.”


There were some sex toys for women, too. She wanted to throw all of it away, but I told her, no, I’ll take care of it. There is always someone who wants the stuff, except maybe the used sex toys.

I’ve had to explain to several women that pornography is harmless. The dangerous man is not the one interested in it. The dangerous man is the one who has no interest in it.

For a few years I read a lot about serial killers. Hard to understand these nuts. But I found out certain things – none of them have a normal sex life.

And none of them are interested in pornography. Their idea of sex is torturing a woman to death and having sex with her corpse. Sometimes, parts of her corpse, after she’s chopped up. Sometimes they cannibalize her.

Ted Bundy admitted he had no sexual desire at all and was not interested in pornography. But before his execution he was able to con one of those fundie loons – and all of them seem to be obsessed with everyone’s sex life – that porn made him what he was. He was manipulating this buffoon and lying through his teeth.

The non-existent cause-and-effect that some see just amazes me. Watching people have sex on screen leads to rape, serial-killing, dismemberment and cannibalism. That’s as stupid as liberals who think little boys playing with plastic guns leads to murder and war.

I’ve never had much interest in porn myself (and I’m not a serial killer). But I remember one time in particular when I was about 35 and in a hotel room with my girlfriend. She wanted to rent some porn on the cable, so I said sure.

I fell asleep. Right before I nodded off, I told her, “Watching people fuck gets awful boring really quickly.” That’s how harmless the stuff it.

My experience has been the people who are obsessed with getting rid of it have that obsession because of their intense interest in porn and their inability to handle it. The way I see it, the fanatical and obsessed politicians and religious leaders are the fags, child molesters, whore-mongers and various other kinds of sexual predators. Not the average person watching porn.

When I was driving a taxi I once almost got arrested when the vice squad caught me transporting a hooker. I had no idea she was a hooker.

Turns out the sting operation was aimed at the county prosecuting attorney, who was obsessed with hookers and putting them in jail. At the same time he was seeing hookers himself and got caught on tape asking one for a blowjob. He had been doing this for years – all the time putting those working girls in prison for up to a year. And putting their customers’ pictures and names in the newspapers.

It’s not porn that’s the problem – the problem is the people obsessed with getting rid of it, because they can’t handle their own interest in it. It’s as if since they cannot change themselves, they’re trying to change everyone else. That’s one of the reasons why I’m a believer in that old saying, it’ll be a much better world when the last politician is strangled with the guts of the last preacher.

“Me thinks thou doth protest too much,” wrote Shakespeare. And, yes, he
was right.

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