Friday, May 1, 2015

"The lonely legacy of my 'Sex And The City' lifestyle"

My experience -and I believe the experience of the world - is that many women are ruled by their feelings and are short-term thinkers. How else could they delude themselves they could waste their 20s partying and getting degrees and high-paying jobs - and somehow think their perfect, wealthy, handsome, funny man is going to be waiting for them when they want him? What sort of self-delusion is that? Did they not see those cats and no kids waiting for them at the end of the line? Or did they think that was only for other women and not them? Apparently so.

Did it ever occur to them they didn't have much to bring to the table? Nope.

This article was written by Claudia Connell and ins from the Daily Mail.


Like everyone, I think and worry about the future and wonder where I’ll be in the final decade or so of my life.

With at least another 20 years of work ahead of me, I don’t know whether I’ll be comfortably off or stony broke, and I hope that the good health I’ve enjoyed so far won’t desert me later on.

One thing I’m pretty sure of, though, is that I’ll be on my own, with no spouse to look out for me or children to visit.

At the age of 46, I accept that my opportunity to have a family has gone and the chances of meeting a decent man aren’t looking too rosy either.

Not exactly a cheery thought, but at least I can console myself with the knowledge that, in one sense at least, I will be far from alone — because today, in the UK, there are record numbers of us middle-aged singletons. Figures released last week by the Office of National Statistics showed that there are now 7.6 million people living alone in the UK.

And the fastest rising group of ‘aloners’ — 2.5 million — are people like me, who fall between the ages of 45 and 64 and live alone in our own properties with no spouse, partner or children.

The figure represents a mind-blowing 50 per cent increase since the mid-Nineties. Materially well-off but emotionally bereft, we represent the loneliest generation ever known — and as a member of this fast-growing club, I have to say, it’s not a membership I look forward to renewing annually.

For me, the single girl lifestyle that I embraced and celebrated with so much enthusiasm in the Eighties and Nineties has lost much of its gloss, and is starting to look a little hollow.

I was part of the Sex And The City generation — successful, feisty women who made their own money, answered to no one and lived life to the full.

When it came to men, our attitude to them was the same as it was towards the latest must-have handbag: only the best would do, no compromises should be made, and even then it would be quickly tired of and cast aside.

What none of us spent too long thinking about in our 20s and 30s was how our lifestyles would impact on us once we reached middle-age, when we didn’t want to go out and get sozzled on cocktails and had replaced our stilettos and skinny jeans with flat shoes and elasticated waists.

When I look around at all my single friends — and there are a lot of them — not one of them is truly happy being on her own. Suddenly, all those women we pitied for giving up their freedom for marriage and children are the ones feeling sorry for us.

Freedom is great when you can exploit it; but when you have so much that you don’t know what to do with it, then it all becomes a little pointless.

I grew up in Sussex then moved to London to pursue my job as a journalist, where I threw myself into a heady social life. By the age of 29, I was earning enough to buy my first home — a three bedroom property that I lived in alone, and still do.

‘Why three bedrooms when it’s just you?’ I was often asked.

‘Because I can!’ I’d tell them, cockily.

I loved having so much space to myself, and the fact I could decorate just how I wanted. I can’t imagine many men would agree to the turquoise wallpaper with parrots that I have in my hall, or the huge chandeliers in my bedroom.

Back then, I’d shudder at the thought of a living room clogged up with toys. I loved being out until the early hours, and then coming home to a clean, peaceful home with everything just so.

When I had boyfriends and they stayed over, I was always relieved when they went home. None of them was allowed to leave a toothbrush or clean shirt for convenience: it was my flat for my stuff.

My 20s slipped into my 30s and I watched my friends marrying off. Still, I never envied them — or not for very long anyway. The only inconvenience was the pool of single girls on whom I could rely to keep me amused into the early hours starting to diminish.

When I first bought my home, I used to go out five nights a week. Now, I typically only have one night out a week, and the time alone that used to be an occasional occurrence now accounts for the best part of my week.

Don’t get me wrong, there are still times when I’m glad to be on my own. One of my great pleasures is still to curl up on the sofa with a takeaway and watch one of my favourite TV shows in blissful solace.

I’ve always agreed with the old saying that if you can’t enjoy your own company, you shouldn’t expect anyone else to. But just as you’d get bored with seeing the same old person night after night, you can also get bored with your own company.

On more than one occasion, I’ve found myself thinking that perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad, after all, to have someone to cook for, discuss the plot of Homeland with, or just offload to after a particularly bad day.

Then there are the practicalities of finding someone who can shift a heavy piece of furniture or jump-start a car. If my married sister needs something done, she asks her husband. But when I need help, I have to pay someone £200 or more.

In the Nineties, we professional, single women conducted our love-lives according to a best-selling book called he Rules — a dating bible that dictated that we should be aloof and hard to get, that we should not return phone calls, and we should always make a man pay on dates. Any man who didn’t conform was to be kicked to the curb until the next poor sap came along.

What I never considered, though, was that one day they’d stop coming along altogether. I really wish I’d known that once you’re in your late 30s, men are pretty thin on the ground. And once you’re in your 40s, it’s as though they’ve been wiped off the face of the Earth.

A woman over 45 on an internet dating site is made to feel as welcome as a parking ticket. The sites may be full of single men in their 40s, but they sure aren’t looking to meet women of the same age!

Then, of course, there is the matter of children. In my 30s, I really didn’t want them. It’s only now, as the choice is removed, that I begin to wonder what my life would be like with a family.

Last year, author Lori Gottlieb caused a sensation when she published her book Marry Him — The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough. Gottlieb argued that too many women are ending up lonely and unfulfilled because they are brainwashed into believing only Mr Perfect will do. She stated that any well-educated, ambitious woman who was single after 35 was on her own because she was too picky — shopping for a husband with a ridiculously unrealistic checklist.

I think she’s right. I also think it’s an uncomfortable truth that the sort of high-flying alpha males we were all holding out for didn’t want women like us. All the successful men I know have married sweet, uncomplicated women who are happy to forfeit their careers to support their husbands.

It’s not all bad news, though, and I try not to waste too many nights crying big lonely tears into my cosmopolitan cocktail. Being single still has some incredible upsides — the biggest being the disposable income and the freedom to self-indulge.

If I had a family, I wouldn’t have been able to spend a month in Australia earlier this year, or a weekend shopping in Milan, and I would probably have felt too guilty ever to spend £3,000 on a rug (as I have just done).

The only inconvenience was the pool of single girls on whom I could rely to keep me amused into the early hours starting to diminish.

And yes, we may be occupying homes that are too big for us, but at least we’re spending money and helping to keep the economy going — and putting enough in the pot to cover everyone else’s tax credits.

The brutal reality remains, however, that Carrie Bradshaw and Bridget Jones — our fictional, singleton poster girls — ended up living happily ever after. Even the writers behind those characters couldn’t accept that they’d be happy to stay single for ever — which does make me feel a little cheated.

Carrie and Bridget were lucky. The same can’t be said for the millions of women, like me, who were so inspired by them.

As women continue to match men on the salary front, and no longer need a partner to provide for them, I predict the numbers of middle-aged single women will continue to increase.

So, as all the sassy, single 30-somethings out there recover from a weekend of excess, drinking cocktails and dancing defiantly to "I Will Survive" and "Single Ladies" (both performed by happily married women, incidentally), I’d urge them to continue having the time of their life … but also, perhaps, to keep one eye on the lonely middle-age that is waiting to knock on their door.

32 comments:

Robert What? said...

Brave woman. Although I suspect she will be eviscerated by the Hamster Brigade for daring to tell the truth.

Anonymous said...

A sad article, but marriage has its own problems as well.

50% of marriages divorce within 15 years. How many of the marriages that remain are actually happy? How many marriages are "cheaper-to-keep-her" situations where the husband is miserable, and quite often the wife too? People are so afraid of being lonely, that they would rather stay with someone they dislike and be miserable rather than live alone it seems. Living alone and feeling lonely are not the same thing.

Marriage and subsequent divorce is extremely dangerous to men with the anti-male family court system. The divorce laws highly incentivize women to divorce with the legal system that is in her favor and biased against men.

See these books:

"Gold digger Nation: Why you should stay single" by Doug Primavera.

"From Courtship to Courtroom: What divorce law is doing to marriage" by Jed Abraham.

Rusty Shackleford said...

Too bad for her, but can you imagine actually being married to a woman like this? I'd be stashing cash away in a tin with my passport and spending my spare time checking out the citizenship requirements for Costa Rica. A woman like this is simply useless as a mother or spouse. The male gender collectively dodged a bullet here.

And it's not like she's atypical. Western society actively funds and culturally supports the formation of genuinely horrible women. I honestly do not envy any man I know married to an American woman. There are a lot more men than women who can be happy in their own heads through middle age and into their elder years, living their own lives, reading, playing sports or video games, watching movies with the dog, or driving their mustangs, porsches or bmws. There has never been a better time in history to be an autodidact. What does an old spinster do? She curdles because far fewer women have this inner life.

I remember once hearing a preist say that he could not understand why all men didn't become priests or monks. I honestly thought it was nonsense religious talk. Now that I am older and care less about girls, I think that he had a point after all.

Rusty Shackleford said...

Claudia Connell, the woman who wrote this, spent $45,000 on failed IVF treatments and writes about how she became determined to abort the baby on the last try even if it had been successful. What a basket case. The photos of the young her that she puts in her articles are okay looking, but she's hit the wall hard in her 40's and is all thick and pudgy with splotchy, pasty Irish/British skin. I suppose we should at least appreciate her honesty.

Retrenched said...

A woman can choose either to be beautiful to one man for a lifetime, or beautiful to many men for a few years.

Mindstorm said...

+1 for Rusty.

Anonymous said...

"... but marriage has its own problems as well."

Yep, see this article:

How Marriage Today Is Slavery For Men

https://polsci101.wordpress.com/2009/12/05/how-marriage-today-is-slavery-for-men/

Anonymous said...


"Divorce Is Slavery For Men . Avoid Marriage And Its High Financial Risks There are fewer marriages, bcz men have seen what the courts will do. A women can leave for any reason, including cheating on her husband, and she will get the house, car, kids, and a large portion of the man's salary. New males understand what is going on. there will be fewer marriages bcz the system is toxic towards the family and towards men."


http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-Divorced/3173709

MGTOW'd Out said...

“Marriage and subsequent divorce is extremely dangerous to men with the anti-male family court system. The divorce laws highly incentivize women to divorce with the legal system that is in her favor and biased against men.”

Patently false. About 4% of all divorce cases involving children go to court, where based on the merits of the case, the children are placed in the appropriate environment.


“Western society actively funds and culturally supports the formation of genuinely horrible women.”

This statement is an opinion, not a statement of fact.


“There are a lot more men than women who can be happy in their own heads through middle age and into their elder years, living their own lives, reading, playing sports or video games, watching movies with the dog, or driving their mustangs, porsches or bmws.”

This statement is an opinion, not a statement of fact.



“A woman can choose either to be beautiful to one man for a lifetime, or beautiful to many men for a few years.”


Replace woman with person and man/men with people and you are accurate.

Rusty Shackleford said...

"This statement is an opinion, not a statement of fact."


"This statement is an opinion, not a statement of fact."

What's wrong cheechy, are you stuck in a loop? Did you input something inconsistent with you internal programming? Let me see if I can help: Yes, women get all benefits and privileges of men while having none of the responsibilities. If you doubt that, let me ask you how many women are being denied an education or a job because of their selective service status?
And, yes, men have the more active and fruitful minds and inner lives. What percentage of great inventions, scientific discoveries and works of art were created by men compared to women? We are talking 99.99999% to .00001% Who's the female Tesla, Newton, Sanzio, Bach or Dostoyevsky? What I'm saying is so patent that, again, it's funny to me that you'd even bother to dispute it. I really wonder if this is just bad trolling or if you really struggle this hard with the obvious.

Anonymous said...

"Women are neither equal nor different to men - they are inferior. Women rarely if ever organize themselves effectively because they are unable to think logically."

"There are few women whose worth lasts longer than their beauty."

" "After men, monkeys have the most intelligence," says an author. Others will argue that women do."

"To find fault with a woman's intellect you must first find her intellect."

"Woman's one notable invention: Perpetual emotion."

"Woman has never created anything as beautiful as she has destroyed."

"Women have no moral sense; they rely for their behaviour upon the men they love."

"Nothing is worse than a woman, even a good one."

"A woman can believe anything in the world if there's no good reason for it."

"Women never reason, and therefore are (comparatively) seldom wrong."

"Intellectually, a certain inferiority of the female sex can hardly be denied. . . . Women are intellectually more desultory and volatile than men; they are more occupied with particular instances than with general principles; they judge rather by intuitive perceptions than by deliberate reasoning."

http://www.theabsolute.net/minefield/woman.html

MGTOW'd Out said...

“Did you input something inconsistent with you internal programming?”

You’re programming is stuck in this 1950’s utopia that actually didn’t exist. Popular culture of that time period portrayed the perfect family, when in fact increasing numbers of men and women were cheating on one another, or abusing their kids, or respected one another's goals and aspirations, or fought over finances, etc.

Patriarchy is dead. I suggest you find a way to handle your disappointment rather than say the same things over and over and over again. Blame men for granting women the franchise and enabling them to work in the professional fields.


“Yes, women get all benefits and privileges of men while having none of the responsibilities.”

[Laughs] This statement is from page 142 of the MGTOW playbook.


“let me ask you how many women are being denied an education or a job because of their selective service status?”

I’m sure there’s an app for that.


“And, yes, men have the more active and fruitful minds and inner lives.”

From a male perspective, certainly. A female would also make that same claim. All you have is mere opinion as I correctly stated.


“Who's the female Tesla, Newton, Sanzio, Bach or Dostoyevsky”

I’m not making the argument that men have not created much more than women.
But, men have also destroyed more than women. It’s proven in history.


“Women are neither equal nor different to men - they are inferior. Women rarely if ever organize themselves effectively because they are unable to think logically."

Corrected for accuracy--people may be equal to one another, and they are different than one another, but that does not mean they are inferior. People sometimes fail to organize themselves because they are unable to think logically.
"There are few women whose worth lasts longer than their beauty."

Corrected for accuracy--There are more men who’s worth is not as worthy as they think they are worth.


" "After men, monkeys have the most intelligence," says an author. Others will argue that women do."

Corrected for accuracy--People are intelligent, some moreso than others.


"To find fault with a woman's intellect you must first find her intellect."

Corrected for accuracy--Men and women are intellectual.


"Woman's one notable invention: Perpetual emotion."

Men’s one notable invention: destruction of societies.


"Woman has never created anything as beautiful as she has destroyed."

See above.


"Women have no moral sense; they rely for their behaviour upon the men they love."

Historically speaking, men believed women to be morally superior.





"Nothing is worse than a woman, even a good one."

Corrected for accuracy--human beings are their own worst enemy.


"A woman can believe anything in the world if there's no good reason for it."

Corrected for accuracy--people are easily duped.


"Women never reason, and therefore are (comparatively) seldom wrong."

Corrected for accuracy--some people lack the capacity to reason and refuse to acknowledge when they are wrong.

Mindstorm said...

Still feeding the troll? :)

Mindstorm said...

http://quotes.dictionary.com/Let_woman_share_the_rights_and_she_will - one more funny quote for the Anonymous above, from one of leading suffragettes of her times.
http://www.girlsaskguys.com/sexual-health/q281510-i-like-being-a-slut-so-why-do-people-have-a-problem-with-this - is this the result? :)

MGTOW'd Out said...

"Still feeding the troll?"

Still being an asshole? :)

Mindstorm said...

Always.

Black Poison Soul said...

I see her saying:

Me...me...me...me...me...me...me...me...me...me...

Ooops, the "Me-O-Meter" just broke.

Unfortunately her entitlement mentality is typical. Plus she doesn't grasp that she's merely singing from the songsheet that is available to millions of other women worldwide.

These women, too stupid to realize how much the same they truly are.

Bob Wallace said...


'Historically speaking, men believed women to be morally superior.'

Historically speaking, women not under the control of men were considered to be destroyers and monsters. See Eve, Pandora and Lilith.

Anonymous said...

'Historically speaking, men believed women to be morally superior.'

Actually, this view is a recent notion. Our ancestors understood female nature, and human nature in general, very well. It appears that many people today have lost this understanding.

Women tend to be amoral:

https://femalemisogynist.wordpress.com/2008/06/30/are-women-naturally-amoral/

"So yes, one could say that women are naturally amoral. Women can be moral, but it is not natural to them. It requires the support of moral men."

MGTOW'd Out said...

Recent notion? If the 1770's are "recent". The founding fathers in general elevated women as the role of guardians for America's moral values. They were virgin and pure in this regard, natural in this capacity one would say.

Bob Wallace said...

'Recent notion? If the 1770's are "recent"'

Some years ago I read a book, the name of which I cannot remember, about a man during that time who was what today would be considered a PUA. In his diary he wrote about hitting on every woman and succeeding often. He keep writing, "Rogered this girl today" and then, "God forgive me." Apparently He did, because the man never stopped.

Anonymous said...

'Recent notion? If the 1770's are "recent"'


Men civilize women.

Men are the prudes.

Anonymous said...

"A woman can choose either to be beautiful to one man for a lifetime, or beautiful to many men for a few years."

It amazes me that many young women today do not realize that they have a "shelf-life" when it comes to their appeal to men. A woman at 30 or 35 will not appeal to the same men that she did at 20.

Feminism has convinced many women that they can live and manage their lives just like men, which they absolutely cannot.

Anonymous said...

"Just got here. Isn't it ironic? A man may be good enough to marry, but the next thirty plus years are a continuous ordeal of 'improvement' for this ignorant cretin. Then the kids move on and menopause arrives and suddenly the guy who has been the subject of a multi-decade upgrade process becomes the reason for all the trouble in the world. The witless husband is now an aimless, oppressive jerk who has sucked the life out of her best years and she wants a real life. According to the stats, 80 percent of divorces over the age of 50 are sought by women who have been through menopause, or are going through it. And the male offspring are doomed to continue the cycle. Dads go off to work if he still has a job. Many moms go to work, too, but Mom does most of the parenting during infant and toddler years. Then the boys go to schools which are run by women who reward the behavior of the girls and demand the same of the boys. Any boy who can't adapt winds up being forced to take attitude control drugs. The the morass of a college education comes next. After so much conditioning, you have generations of little nice guys who are life preserving but not life giving (hat-tip: R. Bly). I don't know any guys who were strongly influenced by their fathers or would model themselves after their dad. And women continue to complain about the men they are finding, but will not chance a look in the mirror to examine the root of the dilemma. So the modern young women of today take comfort in a sick and selfish co-dependent relationship with their government, which the government is only too happy to perpetuate. Women have a cozy deal. Men are on their own."

http://www.mgtow.com/comments-from-married-men/

Rusy Shackleford said...


"Some years ago I read a book, the name of which I cannot remember, about a man during that time who was what today would be considered a PUA. In his diary he wrote about hitting on every woman and succeeding often. He keep writing, "Rogered this girl today" and then, "God forgive me." Apparently He did, because the man never stopped."

Pepys?

MGTOW'd Out said...

“In his diary he wrote about hitting on every woman and succeeding often.”

John Adams argued that women were central to the creation of good citizens. He encouraged his own daughters to read philosophy and history. In addition, he stated that “every man must seriously set himself to root out his Passions, Prejudices, and Attachments, and to get the better of his private Interest”. Most assuredly, this “man” succumbed to his own devices, his own wickedness, which is evidence of his own immorality. Now, regarding that same book which I also read (the name also escapes me), the man was later found out to be a fraud regarding how many women he apparently bedded. Men have a tendency to over embellish their sexual records.


“Men civilize women. Men are the prudes.”

Observably false. Refer to PUA’s.


“It amazes me that many young women today do not realize that they have a "shelf-life" when it comes to their appeal to men. A woman at 30 or 35 will not appeal to the same men that she did at 20.”

Corrected for accuracy—It amazes me that many young people today do not realize they have a “shelf-life” when it comes to their appeal. Men and women in their 30’s will not necessarily appeal to the younger crowd than they did in their 20’s.


"80 percent of divorces over the age of 50..."

In 1990, only 1 in 10 divorces were people 50 and older. In 2013, it is 1 in 4. Demographics affect late-in-life divorces. The more education, the lower the rate. The unemployed divorce more than workers do; retirees have the lowest rate.

Again, anony, we get it. You hate marriage. Stay MGTOW. The rest of us real men will enjoy our marriages or seeking a woman to get hitched.

Bob Wallace said...

“Men civilize women. Men are the prudes.”

Observationally true. Men created 99.99% of everything, and they're the ones who impose sexual morality on women. Women have never imposed morality on themselves. That is the history of the world.

Anonymous said...

“Men civilize women. Men are the prudes.”

"Observationally true. Men created 99.99% of everything, and they're the ones who impose sexual morality on women. Women have never imposed morality on themselves. That is the history of the world."

All very true.

Here is an example "observation":

When men dress women:

http://unirea.org.au/index.php/blog/item/71-traditional-romanian-folk-costumes

When women dress themselves:

https://tothecurb.wordpress.com/2011/05/13/slutwalk-a-stroll-through-white-supremacy/

MGTOW'd Out said...

The history of the world does indeed demonstrate that men created—white, black, Asian, Native American—but they, primarily white men, also observably and repeatedly pillaged, plundered, raped, and defiled. Sure, men have imposed their sexual morality…when it suits themselves. They observably demonstrated that women are the more pure sex that needs protection from men’s own vices, yet consistently break the rules they set themselves. Bobby, it is an immutable fact that people are hypocrites. Only fools believe that men or women are more prone to hypocrisy. It’s a human failing.


“When men dress women…”

[Laughs] you are so desperate, it’s sickening. Men and women MAKE this clothing for themselves. Both CHOOSE to dress in this manner.


“When women dress themselves…”

Using YOUR logic, if your mother, sister, or girlfriend failed to dress like a traditional Romanian, they are sluts, too. Congratulations on shaming your family.

Bob Wallace said...

"primarily white men, also observably and repeatedly pillaged, plundered, raped, and defiled."

You're a leftist to believe that.

Bob Wallace said...

"Pepys?"

No, not him. I cannot remember who it was, just some nobody who happened to keep a diary.

Anonymous said...

Guys, MGTOW'd out is a krypto feminist woman. Ignore her trolling.