"Middle-Aged Man Seeks Women for Polygamous Relationships"

MEN SEEKING WOMEN

"Okay, girls, let's face facts. You did it to yourselves. You thought you could have it all - go to college, get a degree, get a good job, then expected to find a handsome man making good money (who would commit himself to you only) so you could quit your job and have home, husband and children.

"It didn't work out that way, did it? Now you're looking at an apartment, your 'career,' psychiatric medication, and some yummy Fancy Feast for Mittens, who is your surrogate child because your ovaries have shriveled up.

"You didn't understand that by the time you started looking for a husband - oh, late 20s, maybe? - that you were over the hill and most guys weren't interested or already taken? And the ones left? Ew! Creepy!

"Now you can blame all your problems on men, as women are wont to do, but guess what? It won't do a damn bit of good.

"So here's my offer: polygamy! For those who have to look it up, it means 'one man, many women.' I'm actually looking for, say, six women who want to enter into a polygamous relationship with me. That way, you'll have a man, although you'll have to share me, but, well, relationships have to change with the times.

"Additionally, I have no intention of working, so all of you will have to support me. After all, women today have many of the high-paying jobs, courtesy of high-paying blue-collar jobs being exported to Third World hellholes, and many of the good jobs left aren't available to men, since Affirmative Action means 'White Men Need Not Apply Because These Jobs Are Reserved For Marginally Competent Women And Incompetent Minorities.'

"Now, admittedly, polygamy isn't Western, or Christian, or for white people, and it's obvious society will collapse into those aforementioned poverty-stricken hellholes, but, hey, that's just the way it is!

"So, girls, if you're interested in a good-looking, charming, intelligent guy, I'm your man!

"Oh, by the way, fat, unattractive women need not apply. And if you're over 35, forget it. And no children, either. Sorry, but it's my market and I'm one in demand, so I make the rules.

"Hope to hear from you soon!"