I have for decades thought that if a white and Asian had a kid, the kid should be female. If male, he's looking at being in Hell. After all, NOWAG means "No One Wants Asian Guys." Elliot Roger proved the truth of that.
This article is from this blog. Unfortunately he had an insane father, which only added to his inherent problems.
The article starts here.
Use this blog as an example of how troubled Hapas can be, some worse than others. I wrote this essay about two years ago, at the peak of a very damaging breakdown. Since then, thanks to a supportive community and a small group of Eurasians putting their brains together, I have transformed this blog into a rational discussion of the dangers of hatred, the reality of race relations even in romance, and even discovered the source of why I was so crazy; my older posts (if you go back to the beginning) can be used as a representation of the kind of damage that was done to my mind, and the kind of psychosis that can be found in mixed young men without proper intervention. If I hadn’t started this blog, I would likely now be dead or imprisoned, and ironically by writing I found the source of the very unsettling problems I had no more than two years ago; hence I won’t change the title. If you don’t believe that I am Hapa, continue reading. I try to present the issues as honestly as I can.
In short, we Hapa men, are Asian men born from Asian women who overtly believed Asian men were inferior or unattractive or unmarriageable in every way; and our fathers were racist (or clueless) enough to support this by virtue of their desire for sex and partnership. The entire basis of our existence is that Asian women found Asian men inferior to white.
We Hapas / Eurasians / Half-Asian people are almost overwhelming born from white fathers, implying that Asian features, when on a male, indicate undesirability, not only romantically, but by society itself.
The myth of “Hapa / half-Asian beauty” is just a myth, and if we are not beautiful, or just look Asian, we are just reminded that Asian men are at the bottom of the hierarchy socially, romantically, as evidenced by even our own mothers’ choices. The entire value of Hapas then, becomes his looks or his ability to not look Asian, and if he fails to meet this criteria he will be poorly equipped to deal with it.
Claims of cultural flaws of Asian men also conveniently coincide with Asian men being rated the least desirable. Moreover, my father as with many other Hapas’ fathers was an extreme cultural conservative and vitriolic anti-feminist.
Don’t believe me, ask for proof and I’ll provide; I literally am taking a monumental risk writing this blog as the details are fairly specific. There is nothing on this website that can be refuted logically.
My father was borderline-autistic, unable to make eye contact, and saw Asian women as a “replacement white woman” when he was unable to get a white woman; my mother saw his blue eyes and height and saw him as a ticket to integration and higher status in her new life in the west.
It simply does not make sense for an Asian woman who, like millions of others, views Asian men as worthless, then has a half Asian son, and expect him to accept this, rationally. There is no political thesis or alignment that can explain the massive imbalance other than one that is self evident to no one but the children of these relationships and this blog looks to understand and expose them. In fact, none of it makes sense; it’s completely absurd. At the end of the day, despite all the criticism leveled as Asian men, the defense-mechanisms of WMAW couples, and myriad excuses until the end of time – we still are Eurasian men born from uniformly White fathers, and we are left to figure out their sick, racist baggage. Asian women and their insistence on marrying and having children with white men is not something based on love, but rather (at worst) on hate (largely of Asian men) or at best un-attraction, yet their sons are Asian men and we are taught from birth that love is not colorblind (I’ll discuss how loveless and hateful my parents’ marriage was, later in this essay).
I have come across enough Asian women who thought I was beneath them, to believe that all of us, their half asian sons, must resent and hate our parents in order to truly punish them. Contrarily, embracing this and finding solace in hedonism with white women would effectively mean that I have to admit that I am able to do so because I am half-White; and this is not a moral or healthy choice. I would rather embrace my Asianness and expose these issues – as very few other Hapas are willing to. I no longer want to sit by and watch the hypocrisy and hatred flying through the Asian community and the effect this has on people much more susceptible than me (as you can see how susceptible I was two years ago).
For reference, I am in my 20’s, look similar to a whiter version of Hong Kong celebrity Daniel Wu (the kind of Hapa that looks white to some; Asian to others; yet photographs more Asian; porcelain white skin that sunburns, very dark brown, thick and difficult to maintain hair, brown-greenish eyes, hairless chest and arms but hairy legs), am Ivy League educated and from a considerably wealthy Chinese American family on the East Coast (the wealth is not mine, directly). I also have one mentally ill brother, in his 30’s, unemployed, institutionalized and a virgin, who looks significantly more Asian than me. My father was, when younger, 6’3″, blue eyed, red haired and with a large beard, my mother 5’3″ or 5’4″, slender, with dyed red hair, colored contacts, and a sexless and unhappy marriage as long as I can remember.
We are lauded up as some kind of beautiful Hapa miracle children, but in reality we are born out of nothing other than cultural fetishization and the pursuit of certain physical attributes, neither of which we are capable of having, since we are, after all, Asian men.
Only after we are born do our parents begin to panic and start trying to instill self-esteem in us by teaching us about our heritage, falsely encouraging us to believe that we will be accepted by whites, or worse, by Asians, the same Asians that our mothers were trying to escape from. The irony of teaching Hapas to be proud to be Asian when Asian women are willfully throwing themselves at white men, is staggering.
But it’s obvious by just going outside, where you can see White male / Asian woman couples sitting next to other white male / Asian woman couples they don’t even know – that love is not colorblind, and as a Eurasian male this became evident to me in my teens, despite the fact that I do not look that Asian.
In fact, Hapas and Eurasians are still treated as Asians by discerning whites (anyone who bothers to make the distinction will not make the distinction between full, and half) turned down not only by white women but by also Asian women, subject to jokes and insults by the white majority where he is, and then outcast by full Asians who view him as an oddity.
Hapas and Eurasians are supposed to merely accept that white men were the ideal in their mothers’ eyes, and that no matter what we will never be the full white person, or allowed entry into white culture, the same one that our mothers had such an easy time integrating with.
The only reason that talking about this is taboo is because of our culture in which such sensitive subjects of race and gender are immediately shut down in favor of a sugar-coated anti-reality that seeks to ignore that the vast, vast, vast majority of Eurasians have white fathers. So we literally see hundreds of thousands of Eurasians with white last names parading around like they are unique, when really we represent the obvious failings of Asian men to procreate.
Still don’t believe me?
If love were color blind, then there would indeed be more Asian men breeding with Asian women, black women, or white women, but instead Asian women rely on their privilege of having a vagina, being the gatekeepers to sex, to negotiate relationships with white men in a perverse form of “marrying up”. If love were honest, and good, and unbiased, then Asian women would marry black men, Indian men, and Hispanic men at the same rate that they do White men. But they do not.
If love were honest, good, and unbiased, then Asian women would be as open to dating Asian men as they are white men. But they are not.
Hapa men are unique in that they are the direct result of hatred, not love (I will explain how my parents’ marriage was in actuality later) and “breeding up,” where we are considered inferior and superior at the same time. Just look at the fetishization of Hapas as being beautiful and talented, rather than the fetishization of Asians as being beautiful and talented; Whites are assumed to be beautiful and talented and Hapas only so because we are mixed with whites. After we are born, we are paraded around as accessories, our own mothers treating us preferentially on how Asian or un-Asian we look, all to the background of our parents’ marriage collapsing (e.g., separate bedrooms, constant fighting) since it was never based on the love in the first place.
We are a unique group of people who are destroyed the second we are conceived, and grow to become aware of the seething hatred our own mothers were capable of the minute we reach young adulthood. We literally are Asian men (even though some of us don’t even look that Asian, whites still remind us that we are) born to Asian women who, for whatever reason, savagely hated Asian men – then on top of that, our own fathers took these sadistic women into their homes and asked us to listen to their authority and advice on how to conduct our lives, because they believed that Asian women were deferential to whites. We are therefore the most unstable and at risk people on earth, and seek to destroy our own families, as mine as been rightfully destroyed with my dead mother and my pathetic, impoverished father and schizophrenic brother. I have nothing to live for – my belief in love and meaning is shot, only believing in the realities of evolution and sexual selection.
For this reason, I refuse to be their “dream child,” I will live my life hedonistically and lazily and avoid success, and I will expose the poison that is this kind of relationship, and the lies about being Hapa, until I am dead. I am not alone in this feeling, as I’m sure there are hundreds of thousands of Hapa men who have, at one point in their life, questioned their own parents – especially with the amount of REAL LIFE hatred that these couples exhibit.
Whether they do this for status or for appearance is not relevant, though I do think that it is probably for the sake of appearance, since the taller build, wider face, and healthier skin color of white men might be the main reason why Asian women chase white males. Regardless of their reasons, they clearly will not stop doing it, and completely ignore the massive negative repercussions this has on their children, like me.
Hapa sons inherit all of the physical qualities that make Asian men unattractive, with the added advantage that we know that our own mothers attempted to breed it out. In my case I looked significantly “whiter” when I was younger and gradually, into my 20’s, began to look more Asian and was ill equipped to deal with the fallout from this. For example, on being told several times that I “looked more Asian” – as an insult, and denied relationships because (she) “didn’t like Asians,” made me realize that love itself isn’t real, as we would imagine it.
These physical characteristics include: smaller frame from our mothers, narrower rib cage, larger heads, oily skin, thick, unmanageable hair, narrower jaws, lack of normal skin coloring (a lot of Hapas have really pale skin, rather than reddish or tan), adiposity around the mid-section and chest, etc.
The Hapas who somehow deny this look white enough to “pass,” are gay, or essentially are so drawn in by the honeyed lies of their parents that they could never possibly imagine them being as awful as they were.
I was born of this relationship and to this day, I remain full of self hatred, lost, confused, and destined to die by my own hand, or to die having run to the furthest corners of the world, now for five years, to get away from the very thing that birthed me. I will, as a result, maybe as one of the only things I may accomplish in my life, write about the insanity of these relationships, how they are the ugliest thing on earth, and how they lead to pure disaster for their male children. I have long been known as eccentric, odd, weird, lost, all the while despite being described as “beautiful,” having had men and women photograph me randomly on the subway (seriously), having women balk at me in public, being labeled as gorgeous and as “the most handsome man” they’ve known in real life by my straight male, taller, more successful white friends; the day before Elliot Rodger’s massacre I even reached out to him on a popular forum and told him that I identified with his feelings, his self-doubt, his narcissism, his issues with his mother, and I said that they were uniquely Hapa male issues.
So, these relationships are sick, for the following reasons:
1) The white males, in many cases, view the Asian female as an easy alternative to white women, and as a valid vessel to propagate the continuation of their intelligent, master-race “genes,” whereas white women are seen as being sexually perverse, and prone to mating and having relations with the “lesser races.” My father is a strong example, having long harbored extremely religious, white-supremacist, and misogynist viewpoints; I was essentially raised as a white child, read western literature every night growing up, and spoon-fed antisemitic and conspiracy theory beliefs since childhood.
Some, in many ways, would consider my father a Men’s Rights Activist, or to a lesser extent, a MGTOW, who, like many other white men, felt entitled to a world where God reigned, valued the white man, and white civilization, rewarded the white man for being white, and, when white women failed to recognize his inherent “power,” (instead choosing to lie down with black males, or to party, or embrace liberalism or feminism), Asian women, of course, were the next best choice. I also know this because having come across numerous other blogs that talk about the same issue, my case seemed remarkably common. My father, for example, believes the Nazis were heroes, and my mother even called the police on him, when we were growing up, for talking about how the Holocaust never happened.
He strongly supports Mel Gibson, goes on racist rants about blacks, and vehemently hates Jews, Hollywood, and modern day American society. In this way, my “chaste,” Oriental mother was a strong alternative for him to marry, as Asian women are well known for worshiping white males (however I doubt he thought about it this way). Ironically, despite all of this, my father is also a stringent Asiaphile, having strong fantasies (particularly about Japan) about Asian conservatism and social order; and even more ironically he dislikes the Chinese for their embracing of Communism.
2) The white males oftentimes are socially inept, socially awkward, or unable to compete in the modern day marketplace, both sexual and economic. My father would be diagnosed with Aspberger’s Syndrome if such a syndrome was known in his younger days. He is a social recluse, has almost no friends, listens to wave radio, believed that 9/11 was indicative of the coming Apocalypse, believes strongly in conspiracy theories that are very common to White Nationalists and anti-semites, and believes strongly in God and that God hates Jews and that the judgement day will eventually come; common to people like this, white supremacy, the belief in Aryan people at the top, with Asian people being a distant yet equal cousin, and Asian women, of course, being a healthy substitute for hypergamous, slutty, immoral White women, while Asian women remain hypergamous in their own right. I know this, because sadly, I am now both antisocial (having once been known as outgoing albeit eccentric), have long since disappeared from all of my friends, have gone through a thorough depression at the way American society was, and during the time period that I considered myself “white,” I too embraced white nationalism (sadly), and was so depressed about white women sleeping with men of color that I sought refuge in China, to await the eventual apocalypse. As insane as it sounds, this is a phase in my life worth mentioning as it will be increasingly common among young men with white fathers and non-white mothers.
3) Asian women make divergent, opposing, and illogical statements about Asian men that will eventually find their way to their sons. The common claims from Asian women about why they don’t date Asian men come in two forms: The first is that Asian men are patriarchal, controlling, and conservative. This is a patent lie. This is a lie because the white men that they engage in relationships with are even more patriarchal, racist, and conservative, looking to Asian women as an alternative to feminist white women. The entire premise of white feminism is that white men are too controlling, patriarchal and conservative.
I know this looking at my own father, who is by far the most patriarchal, far-right individual that I know, so much so that it might have eventually contributed to my mother’s death; her rage at him, even calling the police because he had told her that the Holocaust did not happen (this is still a vivid memory in my head). Again, there are several other races that Asian women can choose from, but they only choose white men, making this a complete fabrication and lie based on faulty logic and excuses. The very fact that they are capable of framing an entire group of men as the same while saying that another group (white men) are inherently better reeks of hypocrisy and hatred that I cannot ignore or forgive. The second claim is that Asian men are ugly, unattractive, small, with small penises, which contrasts strongly with the claim that Asian men are overbearing and too patriarchal.
The horrible danger of this claim is that it trickles down to Asian women’s very own sons, who begin to SERIOUSLY doubt that their mother’s “preference” has anything to do with character, and everything to do with physicality – whereby I have come to despise my own mother with a vehement passion. Much of my history, if you care to read earlier in this blog, might stem from this ingrown self hatred that comes from being quite literally racially cuckolded by my own mother and women in my family, whose own belief that white men are physically superior mentally drains and destroys me, as her male offspring, and causes a bitter, catastrophic dichotomy within myself. Even the tiniest saying that “you look Asian” was enough to set me off, as I had long equated being Asian with being inferior, naturally.
Regardless of the “reasons,” or if sexual preference can be somehow discouraged, the very fact that it is so common and the fact that our mother’s choices were based inherently on preference for determinants of sexual / genetic health make all of our life choices irrelevant, because it is clear that ultimately our deciding factors and success in life and love are determined by our genetic makeup, so much so that our own mothers were driven in such a way to shoot down AN ENTIRE ETHNIC GROUP while giving unfair preference to another – means that any and all choices we make in life are hinged on our appearance and that nothing we can ever do can make us as attractive as a white male – as proven by our own mothers.
On top of this, I simply have no desire to be a “good son,” and merely want to either spend the rest of my life exposing these issues or, god forbid, as the title of the blog says, kill myself, which was the original plan when this blog started. (December 2015, 2 years after the blog began, I have decided to change this and instead devote time to writing, ironically this blog having been helpful in finding my sanity).
4) Our own mothers reinforce the horrible stereotypes about Asian men. Regardless of their reasons, there are persistent stereotypes that exist in Western culture about Asian men. Whether or not they believed these stereotypes, we assume that they had no qualms about reinforcing the extreme negative image of Asian men by chasing, in droves, white men, and that our own mothers were very, very capable of betraying the possible future of their own sons by proving to the world, and their own offspring, that Asian men are and forever will be less desirable than white men. For every time that an Asian man is shot down for being Asian, the perception that Asian men are undesirable is reinforced, and our own mothers become guilty by association for actively being part of the self-congratulating group of Asian women who hate Asian men and think they are too good for Asian men.
For this, my own mother is guilty, who I shall hate until my last dying breath, and I will never, ever, EVER be able to look at what she did in another way; I shall go out every day, very well aware that Asian men are so undesirable that my own mother sought to avoid them entirely, knowing that I can never, ever be viewed as desirable as them, and that any woman who notices me notices me only because I am whiter than I would otherwise be.
Asian women will deny, lie, and beat around the bush until doomsday, but they will never admit that what they do is for purely physical reasons, and they will never admit that the ramifications it has upon their children is profound and disastrous. As I have read on some other blogs, this kind of relationship is purely evil, simply because it follows the patterns of basic biology and evolutionary psychology, while deceiving its offspring into thinking that it is normal; the whole “Hapa” children or “mixed children” are valuable and / or beautiful is nothing more than a generalization and a lie, and it soon becomes evident that mixed children are birthed from couples forming extremely unbalanced patterns that favor women over men.
The male offspring of these relationships are then put at special risk and wind up imploding, as is the case of my brother, who is 32 years old, bed ridden, schizophrenic, and so badly damaged from his combination of racist/religious white father / self hating Asian mother, that he is essentially dead.
In short, these relationships are based on the hatred of the Asian male (in some cases, with the extra bonus of hating the white female), and the overvaluation of whiteness, and the resulting offspring, should he grow up in America, be keenly aware of this societal hatred, and grow, as I did, to despise his own mother.
Mine is dead, (from a bad blood transfusion after a C-section birth), otherwise I would make it my goal to humiliate, demean and hate her, as I simply cannot love a person who would harbor such preference, if only because she is a rotten, ROTTEN person, and it is not enough to assume that “maybe” she did not hate Asian men – as the pattern exists enough that I would sincerely doubt her excuses if she attempted to explain it away.
The only reason it is me writing this blog and not some other Hapa is because I am free from the mental compulsion that my mother would otherwise have forced on me; I started out looking white but gradually have become more Asian in appearance; I am not a coward; I have empathy towards full Asian men; I am likely of above average emotional intelligence than is commonly found among Hapas.