Saturday, November 17, 2007

Surrender or be Eaten, Earth Toads

Title’s not exactly right. What I really mean is, "Surrender AND be eaten." If you – ‘scuse me, I mean we – don't surrender, and decide to fight, we won't be eaten. But if we surrender without a fight, it won't be a quick, painless, one-gulp death. Don't resist, and all of you -- ah, shoot, us – will go inch by inch, like a snake eating a toad (which I saw once – talk about eerie. The toad was screaming.) All of this reminds me of that great big snake that scarfed down Jon Voigt in the best worst movie ever made, Anaconda.

What am I talking about? I've been enlightened; I now know the truth. And here is the Prophet, David Icke, a former soccer player turned religious conman. And who, like a lot of religious conmen, really believes his delusions.

You may think that I'm joking, that I actually consider this whole thing to be so utterly ridiculous that it's beyond making fun of, and therefore the only way to handle it is to play it straight. Hah! How little you know, Earthling food. Oops, I mean how little we know.

You may think I consider the Prophet to either be a complete wacko who's blown a brain-gasket, or else nothing more than a con man out for money and attention. You may think this is just typical Left Coast California nonsense, a perfect example of the saying, "When you shake America, everything loose rolls to California." You may say this is an example of what happens when traditional values are destroyed by old heresies dressed up in new clothes, that it's just an example of history repeating itself, and it's the reason why all religions are inherently conservative as they fight against the babbling inanities that con men create and fools fall for.

You may say that religious con men are the most successful (like "Master Fard Muhammad," who served time in prison for being a con and a drug dealer before founding his own religion), and always have been throughout history. You may quote Dostoevsky from The Brothers Karamazov, when he wrote that people will always fall for "miracle, mystery and authority." Or you may think it's just some kind of weird, unconsciously-created Jungian archetype-metaphor or meta-story for what the reptilian State does to people. Well, there is a third alternative: this man really does know the Truth.

Think how sensible his whole thesis is...reptilian aliens came to Earth thousands of years ago, from the planet Draco, and have interbred with humans. All the rulers of Earth, past and present, are related, have reptilian DNA, and are shape-shifters. Their goal: to take over the Earth. Yes, it's true. I swear it is. I'm not lying. Do you see me smiling? Did you ever see Roy Thinnes smile in that '60's TV program, The Invaders. Only this ain't no Quinn Martin production! No sir!

Think how much it explains. The narrow, reptilian, Howdy Doody heads of the Bush family...the narrow, too-close-together, lop-sided snake-like eyes. How often do you see the Bushes eat in public? How often do you see any rulers of any country eat in public? Do you know why? Because in private they shape-shift back into their original reptilian forms and drink human blood! And that is the reason Daddy Bush barfed in Japan. He was trying to eat human food and got sick. And why do you think Dubya passed out stuffing a Cheesy Poof into his mouth? When's the last time you saw a snake eat a pretzel? Like never, that's when.

The signs are everywhere. Look at Prince Charles, who has the same narrow, inbred reptilian head that the Bushes have. Or Tony Blair, with his smushed head and forced reptilian smile. Look at all the evil Ur-Snakes of the UN as they attempt to impose their snaky one-world government. Or how alien and un-American the US government has become. Observe the cold-blooded, inhuman, murderous, people-eating impulses of William Bennett and Donald Rumsfeld. Do you really think all of these people are not related to the serpent-king Vlad Tepes, usually called Draculu –Son of the Dragon?

It wasn't for nothing, you know, that it was a serpent in the Eden of Garden that got us kicked out and brought evil into the world. Maybe the serpent is a symbol of the envy that is the essence of the democratic socialist States now trying to bring the world down. And all the sheeple-toads are being hypnotized by propaganda that will only lead to their deaths and allow us, um, them to take over the world!

You may think this is just another silly conspiracy theory, along the lines of the ones claiming the planes that flew into the WTC were really remote-controlled by space satellites, or that Area 51 has advanced fighter aircraft built using crashed-UFO technology. Well, those are obviously false, unlike human-blood-drinking shape-shifting space-alien reptile-human half-breeds attempting to slowly take over this planet.

You may laugh and claim that those who believe in conspiracies are paranoid and suffer from feelings of insecurity and the belief that the world is going to hell. That they want to blame others for their problems, and tend to see things as either good or evil. That plotting against and confronting an enemy gives their lives meaning. That they want to believe they are among the few who understand the threat, and are therefore special because they can save the world.

Well, that might be true for all those false conspiracies, but not for this one! If you want to see what is really happening, watch that old Twilight Zone episode in which the aliens come here claiming they're going "to serve man" – and they are! With their cookbook – To Serve Man.

What a silly, silly man G.K. Chesterton was. When he said, "When people cease to believe in God, they don't believe in nothing; they'll believe anything," he had no idea what he was talking about. We, uh, I mean those reptilian aliens created religion to control you. I mean us.

And forget that my last name is Wallace, which is a royal name meaning "foreigner." It's just a coincidence, nothing more. Just look deeply into my eyes as I sing the song that all propagandists sing to their citizens, “Trust in Me” from The Jungle Book, and everything will be fine...just're getting sleepy...just fine...

Resistance is futile. You - darn it - we will be absorbed. Literally.

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