I'll admit, I'm amused at those in the Manosphere who speak with such assurance of "tingles, "Alphas, "hypergamy," "cash and prizes," etc. They think they know the minds of women, when in reality they clearly don't know much about them. They read these things in the Manosphere and think it's God's own truth. Simple things are easy to understand but life is a lot more complicated.
This is from Kings and Queens.
The often repeated disparagement of women is that they get “tingles” for the wrong kinds of men, and for the wrong reasons. What I find amusing about this is that men on the internet really believe they know what is in each and every woman’s head at all times, and that they know more about what turns us on than we do ourselves. They ascribe notions as though they are factual, when all they need to do is actually listen to what we have to say to get to the truth.
Yes I know, here is where you insert a comment such as, “But women lie, they don’t even know what they want…what they want is constantly changing…research shows…I’ve never observed it…you’re shaming me...your calling me a misogynist…NUH UH!” Really guys, you need to start adopting new ways of shifting blame for your own short comings.
It’s your choice if you don’t believe what we say, or choose not to listen. This will be at your peril. When good women talk who haven’t been tainted by feminism, and you ignore them, you lose out on opportunities to learn more about them. And yes there are many women out there who are not now, nor ever have been, or ever will be feminists. RoQ is going to continually shoot down false notions made by men who are teaching men the wrong things, and encouraging them to engage in wrong behaviors. We understand it’s easier to point and bleat, “FEMINIST” at a woman if you’ve been unsuccessful in your interactions with her, but being right isn’t always the easiest path to take.
So lets talk about this whole “tingle” thing. Apparently women aren’t supposed to feel this for a man. The only explanation many men give on why we get them is that we only feel them for bad guys, that we never feel them for “useful” men, or ones who have utility, or are industrious. It’s been said that women never talk about how the “good guys” make them “wet” or arouse us.
Well, if we did go around saying things in the only words men seem to understand such as wet, horny, aroused, turned on, or whatever other sexually blatant words, we would be called whores, or criticized for not speaking like proper ladies. Ladies don’t go around saying those kinds of things in public, right? Maybe around other women in private, but never among mixed company or in the public arena. It’s one of those situations where we are damned if we do, or damned if we don’t.
Also, many of us women, at least those who have been raised properly, don’t feel comfortable using dialogue that includes words or phrases that are sexually charged. I am not comfortable just coming out and saying, “oh man, just look at that guy [insert a man doing something manly], he makes me wet!” It’s just not something I would say. If you are looking for dialogue which is like this, you should probably go to a place like Jezebel because feminists will say just about anything, and use any words even if they are inappropriate for a lady to use.
But, yes, we do get “tingles” for all different kinds of men. Our tingles and why we feel them are as varied as we are as women. Some women get tingles for obvious reasons; a big strong man doing something obviously manly requiring strength and/or agility, or for dangerous looking men, etc. Then there are women who get tingles for men for reasons that perhaps even they can’t explain themselves. It just happens.
Take QueenA for instance. I don’t understand her infatuation with Steve Buscemi, but as she’s said it several times, he, or guys like him, “do it” for her. There are women who’ve made comments here who’ve described the man in their life who gave them tingles – men who although may not be “alpha” according to society’s or other men’s standards, is alpha to her and gives her tingles. Of course men don’t believe these women because it goes against their flawed paradigm, but it’s par for the course with many guys in the manosphere.
So how is it possible that there are women out there who get tingles for men who aren’t viewed by the majority as being the kind that would typically turn a woman on? It depends on two things:
We’ve talked here before about Oxytocin. Yes it really is the bonding hormone. It’s the hormone that gives us all those obvious feel good feelings, makes us want to bond, and helps us enjoy mating so much, among other things.
There is another chemical though that plays a role in a woman’s tingle system, and that chemical is Dopamine. Believe it or not, the brain has a “reward system“, where Dopamine plays a role. Dopamine also plays a role in pair bonding:
These differences are located in the ventral forebrain and the dopamine-mediated reward pathway.
Both vasopressin and dopamine act in this region to coordinate rewarding activities such as mating, and regulate selective affiliation. These species-specific differences have shown to correlate with social behaviors, and in monogamous prairie voles are important for facilitation of pair bonding.
On the reward system:
Reward or reinforcement is an objective way to describe the positive value that an individual ascribes to an object, behavioral act or an internal physical state. Primary rewards include those that are necessary for the survival of species, such as food and sexual contact.
In addition to Oxytocin, Dopamine may also be the source of a woman’s tingles – especially if the reward system is activated. When women see men doing things that are useful, and get turned on by them while watching what they are doing, or perhaps just thinking about them doing something that is likely to produce some reward (food, shelter, etc.), Dopamine starts working in the area of our brain which causes us to, you said it, get the tingles. It’s a natural and spontaneous response which many of us have a hard time understanding and pinpointing when we try to talk about it. If our bodies and minds are functioning in a healthy way, women should get tingles when experiencing men in their natural habitat doing things that are likely to produce some kind of reward. We understand the value of men’s “work”, and are physically stirred by it.
The other aspect determining how women get the tingles is what goals we may have when seeking out companionship or a mate. If a woman merely wants to have sex, she falls into the “Short-term pair-bond: a transient mating or associations” or “Clandestine pair-bond: quick extra-pair copulations” categories of pair bonding. If her goal is instead to find a long term mate, she will fall into the “Long-term pair-bond: bonded for a significant portion of the life cycle of that pair” or the “Lifelong pair-bond: mated for life” categories. As said above, species studied who were found to be monogamous were more likely to have higher levels of receptors in the area of the brain where the dopamine-mediated reward pathway is located.
It’s true, NAWALT. Some women will have lower levels of chemicals in their body that are likely to cause them to want to seek out long term mates. Then again, many women will have these chemicals, and proper levels of them. Being that these women are healthy in mind, body, and spirit, they will be naturally inclined to seek out men who will be able to show they are good at something a woman needs. Because of chemicals working in our body, we will be unable to deny our tingles when we see a man of this caliber; a useful, industrious, talented, good guy; even if he isn’t what society tells us is alpha.
We don’t turn this system off and on ourselves. It’s mediated by our wonderful, complicated, minds and bodies. We may not be good in describing why we get the tingles, not feel comfortable saying that yes, we get aroused, we get wet, we become physically turned on by guys who show they are good providers (of something we need or want), but we do feel them even for men who are otherwise dismissed as being beta by the snake oil peddlers in the PUA industry.
The key here for guys is that they need to understand what is the true essence of a woman’s motivation for wanting him. If she wants you because you can build or fix things, or know things, or do other desirable things, she’s a keeper. If she wants you for how you can provide for her financially, she is not a keeper. Yes, some women are physically turned on by men who are rich. These women are a scourge upon the earth.
My only advice to men here is to not initiate the relationship with things that require a lot of money. You have to shit test them. If you begin dating by engaging in activities that don’t require a lot of money, if she is still dating you after several months, she may be a keeper. Also, never discuss how much money you make with a woman in the beginning. If she focuses on your job and money early on, or insists you take her on expensive dates, or encourages you to buy her expensive things, RUN Forest RUN! If you at some point lose your income and have to sell off all your “things”, she is probably going to leave you. If you end up marrying her she will more than likely divorce you then take half of everything you have.
But, never ever refuse to believe that a woman can get the tingles for a man who other men have labeled beta, or who are considered good guys. We do get hot and bothered by these men. We just don’t go around the internet talking about it in words that men want to hear.
For those of you men who continue to parrot crap being peddled out there and attempt to again, (and again and again) rationalize your lack of success with women by insisting that it’s the woman’s fault for being hypergamous, or whatever other reason is fashionable at the moment for why men don’t succeed with women, give it a rest. Instead look inward on why this topic bothers you so much. Do you see yourself as being a “good guy”, or that you have many useful qualities that should be getting you dates, but don’t get them? There is something else going on with you that is putting women off.
We can’t tell you what that something is. You have to discover it for yourself. The longer you shut the idea out of your head that women are attracted to all different kinds of men, and for many different reasons which cause many different responses in us, the longer it will take you to find the right woman. We know when a man is shutting down to us, or shutting us out. We will look elsewhere.