Some Advice to Avoid Being a Cougar and a MILF

I knew a girl in college who told a friend and me she was going to marry a rich man who would support her in her music career. I pointed out to her some women saw men as Success Objects and some men saw women as Beauty Objects (there is nothing new in the Manosphere, contrary to those who think there is), so if she was going to judge a man on his money, why should he not dump her when she lost her (merely okay) looks and find a younger woman? She gave me some excuses and rationalizations about "he should love me, etc." Then I asked her if she would stay with him if he lost all his money and of course she said, "Yes." Then I asked her if she could love him if he didn't have much money, or if a man should love her if she didn't have much looks, and you just hear the sound of her brain popping. These were things she had never considered, and didn't want to consider, because it was interfering with her Groovy Little Fantasy World.

I told her "that quite soon you will lose what looks you have, so if you don't find him really soon you are going to be up shit creek. For that matter, his money might go up but your looks will certainly go down, so it might get to the point you're too unattractive to use, so he'll trade you in for a newer model. You know, like a car."

She looked at me with pure hate, as if she wanted to kill you. I expected that.

She did get married but he wasn't anywhere near rich. Just a regular guy making a decent salary. I have no idea if she's still married, but if she's not she may have taken the route of blaming all her problems on men - and I've seen a lot of that.

Speaking of cougars, the worst I ever saw was a 75-year-old woman in hots pants and go-go boots - she apparently thought it was still 1966. She had, by the way, murdered her rich husband for his money - and somehow got away with it.

I also knew a very unpleasant middle-aged women who was such a horror to her well-to-do husband that he was seeing another woman and initiating divorce proceedings against his wife. She ran him over with her car and told the police: "He made me do it!" In her case, she went to prison.

I ran across the article below several years ago and recently ran across it again.

"A WOMAN WRITES:

"What am I doing wrong?

"Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.

"I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

"Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

"Here are my questions specifically:

"Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms.

"What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings.

"Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

"Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain? I've seen really 'Plain Jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

"Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

"How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY Please hold your insults – I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth."

"THE ANSWER:

"I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

"Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

"Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

"So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold - hence the rub - marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to buy you. (which is what you're asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as 'articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful' as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic 'pump and dump.'

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know."

Society pretty much got around this problem in the past. One: when you got married it was very difficult to get unmarried. If a man got divorced, his career was shot to hell.

There was another, and better way: Love Goggles. Often, if a man and woman married young enough, no matter how old his wife got he still saw her as young.

There is a woman I know from 30 years ago in college. As bizarre as it sounds, she looks the same to me, even now.