Friday, October 21, 2016

The Bestowal of an Unwanted Self Leads to Feelings of Shame and Humiliation

In my last article I mentioned I encountered an unattractive girl in high school while walking to a party, and she looked at me with fear in her eyes. She probably thought I was going sneer at her or make fun of her.

I realized years later she must have felt shame and humiliation because of her looks and the fact she was ignored by all the boys at school. People such as that are exceptionally susceptible to being ridiculed.

Then I wrote just about ten years later I knew a beautiful woman who was asked out by one weekend by seven guys. The first ostracized; the second had more guys than she knew what to do with. And all because of their looks.

That wasn't the only thing I encountered in that studio apartment having to with women and their looks.

One night I was in another girl's room listening to records (this was decades before CDs).

This woman was very attractive.

She told me that when she was 12 years old she had been ostracized by the kids in school. She showed me her picture from seventh grade. She was pudgy and wore glasses that sat crooked on her face.

Over the summer she lost all the extra weight and got contacts. When she went back to school in the fall all the kids who had ignored and ostracized her now wanted to be her friend, because she had been one of those Ugly Ducklings that turned into a Swan.

No thanks, she told me.

She had been shamed and humiliated and now she was the center of attention. The experience changed her permanently.

She told me ever since then she had never been attracted to what most women considered good-looking guys.

She said she was attracted to men who looked like Peter Noone.

"Who's Peter Noone?" I asked.

The lead singer for Herman and the Hermits, she told me.

Peter Noone was popular about the time she was born. How it happened she found him attractive I have no idea.

But I do know about a year after I graduated I saw her at a PR function in a town about 50 miles away. She was with her new husband, who - you guessed it - looked like Peter Noone, except about five inches taller.

I have thought about this for a long time. When people have an unwanted self bestowed on them by others they generally feel shame and humiliation.

Of course they try to replace those feeling of shame and humiliation with pride. Kathy did it by ignoring all the good-looking guys and going her own way. It's true - living well really is the best revenge. And Kathy got her revenge.

I also mentioned before I've seen a lot more women try to shame and humiliate men, including men they didn't know and had never met before, than men who try to humiliate women.

I've only seen one guy try to humiliate a women, and that was a black guy who abused in public a yellow-skinned mulatto women in who only dated white guys and had a little girl who passed for white. I'm sure he was driven insane by the fact she would never have anything to do with his ugly self (this woman also made more that one comment about my blue eyes - and the father of the child had blue eyes).

The difference between men and women is that when men feel shame and humiliation they often try to replace those feelings with pride by violence.

The Manosphere exists because of the abuse of men by women, specifically women infected by feminist ideas.

It tries to build men's self-esteem by telling them women are inferior, i.e. loveless hypergamous whores, things only interested in "cash and prizes," so get revenge on them by using them as "plates" to be spun. Don’t be one of those grotesque Betas or Gammas!

Also be a "Dark Triad Alpha," too. Bad advice all around. Very bad advice.

Feminism tries to bestow an unwanted, shamed, humiliated self on men. So, of course, these men are seeking revenge.

If feminism had never existed there would be no Manosphere.

20 comments:

Earl Thomas said...

'The difference between men and women is that when men feel shame and humiliation they often try to replace those feelings with pride by violence.'

Also a lot of those guys will also try to replace it with promiscous sex. Both are often the root of where domestic abuse lies. It behooves women to compliment and especially respect her man as opposed to being all 'you go grrrl' and tearing down a guy. I do think more scrutiny needs to go into how the woman treats the man in these abuse cases because I'd think we'd find she's not the pure angel who was innocently beaten by brute guy. You can thank feminism and the sexual revolution for the increase in men beating up women.



mike said...

Heartiste and others have very clearly stated for years that Game is merely a tool, and can be used for either long-term relationships or flings.

It's clear that you have a problem with the Manosphere, but it's clearly personal in nature and you need to have the integrity to admit it.

Bob Wallace said...

Heartiste is a Jew and you cannot believe a word he says.
"Vox Day" is obsessed with Gammas because he is one.

All of them are grifters and frauds. And I have the problem?

Pangur said...

Bob,

You're right about this, the manosphere is a reflection of and reaction to feminism.

I would even grant that the manosphere have learned an important fact -- women don't like losers -- but have drawn the wrong lesson from it. The correct lesson would be to improve yourself in whatever way possible, while the lesson drawn is apparently simply to ape the habits of a certain kind of man, the Mystery PUA types. So working hard and actually succeeding, even on a limited basis, is treated as inferior to the empty whoring PUA ideal.

Earl Thomas said...

'So working hard and actually succeeding, even on a limited basis, is treated as inferior to the empty whoring PUA ideal.'

Here's another little secret about feminism...the women that espouse it usually turn into sluts (before spinsterdom hits). Sluts seems to be drawn to those empty whoring PUA types...because both are so self absorbed in their hedonism they only thing they are looking for is their empty pleasure.

mike said...

"Heartiste is a Jew and you cannot believe a word he says."

It's not a question of belief. You said he advocates simply banging sluts. He does not, and his archive proves it.

""Vox Day" is obsessed with Gammas because he is one."

Even if that were true, it doesn't change the truth of what he has advocated. He's far more supportive of LTR's than even Roissy.

Interestingly, your response proves my point: I pointed out that many in the Manosphere have advocated what you said they don't advocate, and how do you respond? By attacking them personally.

Ergo, it's personal with you. You need to work on disguising your intentions a little better, Bob.

Bob Wallace said...

The article went right over your head, didn't it? Come back when you're out of your 20s, because you don't have a clue.

mike said...

Not even an attempt at rebuttal this time, just an attempt at condescension. A passive-aggressive tactic if there ever was one, which I've noticed is generally how you argue.

I'll leave you to it.

Pangur said...

"Here's another little secret about feminism...the women that espouse it usually turn into sluts (before spinsterdom hits)."

I have not found this in my personal experience; having said that I agree that certain strains of feminism are very pro-promiscuity (although I suspect that Hillary Clinton's first-wave feminism is NOT).

de ti said...

"The difference between men and women is that when men feel shame and humiliation they often try to replace those feelings with pride by violence."

Yes. And most men cannot or will not respond with outward violence because the consequences for outward violence are too severe.

So they turn their "violence" inward. And they look for answers to solve the problem. The manosphere explains why it all happened. It used to explain ways to become more attractive but I'll agree that has taken a backseat to complaining. The better sites (Dalrock, Rational Male, AlphaGame) explain why, and set out the problems.

I agree with you on one thing - had there been no feminism, there would never have been a manosphere. There would never have been a need for a manosphere.

insanitybytes2 said...

"The Manosphere exists because of the abuse of men by women, specifically women infected by feminist ideas."

Only partially. We could also say that feminism exists because of the abuse of women by men, but that really is only a part of the story. In feminism women are indoctrinated, encouraged, policed, into accepting a perpetual victim status, so all this alleged abuse becomes nearly a self full-filling prophecy, where everything is now abuse, including manspreading and microagressions.

We see the same thing in the manosphere, most of those guys aren't interested in healing, they're interested in nurturing offense and creating their own grievance industry.

Days of Broken Arrows said...

Just so you know, the name of the band was Herman's Hermits, not Herman and the Hermits.

Lead singer Peter Noone looked a bit ridiculous in his '60s photos because he was an awkward teenager himself. He was born in Nov. 1947 and no yet even 17 when his band hit big in summer 1964 with "I'm Into Something Good." (If anyone hasn't heard that song, seek out the original by Earl-Jean of the Cookies instead.)

After his string of hits with Herman's Hermits, Noone was considered a veteran of the music industry -- at age 22. At this point, David Bowie wrote a (UK) hit for him, "Oh You Pretty Things." While never a sex symbol, Noone did get better looking with age and you can see that in the pictures from this era, which was the early '70s.

Around 2002, I remember a woman at work telling me she went to an oldies concert by him and there was so much screaming and craziness from middle-aged women in the audience, he kept having to stop and calm them down! So, he's clearly had an effect on women and I think it goes beyond "celebrity" because not all performers from that era continued to generate interest, much less hysteria.

Finally, "Listen People," written for him by future 10cc member Graham Gouldman, is one of the great records of the '60s. Its soulfulness transcends its teenybopper-music origins. If he had cut just this record, he'd be considered one of the great one-hit wonders.

Glen Filthie said...

Oh jeez.

Stop teasing the stupid kids Bob. The Manosphere is a 24 hour campfire. Sure, you'll have fags like Vox Day and filthy pakies and turdies like Roosh and Heartiste... But there's goodfellas like Jim and wise old stubfarts like us! The Manosphere is neither good nor bad as a whole, for like it or not - guys like Unca Bob are part and parcel of it. It cannot be judged solely by the women haters.

You are also wrong about how people never change. They do indeed; we have never in history seen young men and women like we have today. Previously civilization would crash and burn long before things got this bad. The human animal is in uncharted waters here in the west, our moral compasses no longer work, and we've lost our way. THAT is what precipitated the sphere, Bob...and the sphere is an entirely rational and human response. YMMV.

Kings LA said...

Earl--I do think more scrutiny needs to go into how the woman treats the man in these abuse cases because I'd think we'd find she's not the pure angel who was innocently beaten by brute guy. You can thank feminism and the sexual revolution for the increase in men beating up women.

Let’s be accurate here--the scrutiny comes when looking at how the man and woman each treat one another. Real men don’t strike women merely because they believe they are being “abused” or because the women are other than “innocent”. The increase in men beating up women is due not to feminism and the sexual revoluton, but to internal and external relationship factors. Grow up.

Mike--Game to Heartiste is exclusively for flings. That is his tool.

de ti--”I agree with you on one thing - had there been no feminism, there would never have been a manosphere. There would never have been a need for a manosphere.”

The manosphere always existed. It was called patriarchy. Furthermore, the consequences are severe for men who display outward violence merely because their “bitch wife refused to make him sammiches”.

insanitybytes2--”We could also say that feminism exists because of the abuse of women by men, but that really is only a part of the story.”

It’s abuse of women by men -and- abuse of men by women.

insanitybytes2 said...

"It’s abuse of women by men -and- abuse of men by women."

Which has been going on since the dawn of time. Even if you are highly blessed, something or someone in life is going to abuse you. What's different today is our petty and self absorbed complaints. Everyone is a victim, everyone is the injured party of some melodramatic tragedy.

Also,the manosphere is not patriarchy. The manosphere is a trainwreck of lost little boys and bitter old men, most of whom have been kicked out the patriarchy and are now whining about it as loudly as feminists.

Bob Wallace said...

You're right. The Mansphere is not patriarchy. I'm mentioned before that in the past men who were "Dark Triad Alphas" were killed.

Earl Thomas said...

'The increase in men beating up women is due not to feminism and the sexual revoluton, but to internal and external relationship factors. Grow up.'

I'd think things like having promiscuous sex with people who aren't your spouse and taking on an ethos that makes you hate and disrespect true masculinity are examples of internal and external relationship factors.

Anonymous said...


I actually think that female on male domestic abuse and violence is more common than one would think - but' its not reported and discussed for obvious reasons - What man wants to admit to being physically beaten on by their girlfriend or wife?

ray said...

"And it's never a bad thing to remind people, from time to time, that picking a fight with someone whose friends and allies call him "Supreme Dark Lord" is probably not a wise thing to do."



That was on the website of the Supreme Dark Lord today. What I enjoy best are the 'Christians' who follow their fearless leader. They pretend he doesn't wander around the planet trumpeting himself as Supreme Dark Lord. No prob, because they are far more interested in being part of Beale's in-group than in being part of Jesus Christ's in-group. They'll scheme their way to heaven, instead. :O)


Not only do Ted's 'allies' refer to him as Lord, he brags that even his friends call him Lord. Then he brags that he's such a badass, such an effective and awe-inspiring Dark Lord, that nobody DARE disagree with him. Because Ted's allies and friends (including 'Christians') are right there to back Ted up, and to punish or exclude those who don't obey the Dark Lord's wishes. As we're informed, it's 'never a bad thing' to 'remind people' not to oppose the Dark Lord or his words and desires. From 'time to time', you see, our benevolent (but asskicking!) Supreme Dark Lord has to put the hammer down on 'people'. Including Christians who don't obey.


LOL!! Yup. And yeeks. WHere I thought Hillary and Team Fem were psychos! Sure she's satanic, a kind of Dark Queen, but at least she has the sense not to bill herself that way.


Vox Day, Supreme Dark Lord said...

Listen, gamma, if you are going to complain about my operations, have the guts to go onto my blog and state your objections.