Tuesday, July 21, 2015

The Peace and Joy of Happily-Married Life

"What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow" - Nathaniel Hawthorne

When I was in college I delivered pizzas. Once, when my car broke down after I had delivered my last one, I knocked on the door of a "starter" house (do they exist anymore?) and the man let me use his phone (there was no cellphones at that time).

His wife and two kids were there.

I experienced something usual, and I still wonder about it and other experiences like it.

The man and his life appeared to be very happy. What I was picking up from them was happiness, warmth, friendliness.

I've never been able to figure out if I imagined these things or if I was somehow really picking up those feelings radiating from this family. But I lean towards picking up those feelings.

It reminded me of a saying I once read: "the peace and joy of happily-married life." William James said something similar about the peace and happiness of a good marriage, and how surprised he was at what he experienced.

That's what I was picking up from these people. Peace and happiness.

Later, I gained admittance to what was clearly a very expensive house, almost a mansion. The feeling was one of coldness and distance. No one was paying the slightest bit of attention to anyone.

I've experienced both several times, but not in such extreme form. Which leads me to think most marriages or neither very happy or very unhappy. Extremely happy ones are rare, but then, so are extremely unhappy - they get divorced.

When parents do not have a happy marriage, what then do children have to emulate? I'm sure that has a lot of do with the poor state of relationships between men and women.

I have a friend whose parents fought all the time. He and I both agree that these arguments happen because the husband and wife enjoy them. Yet they rarely understand the effect it has on the kids.

My friend in fact once pulled a .22 rifle on his father, watched his mother split his father's scalp open with a phone, watched his father accidentally knock his mother out.

Then there were the unending police cars outside the house.

My friend is not married. He's said he never wanted to be married. He was a 21-year-old son, but he's not married.

Unfortunately men are the true romantics - and I've lost count of the divorced men I know who now hate women - because they didn't want to get divorced and the ex-wife raped them in our joke of a court system.

Then there are the never-married or divorced women who are full of hate and rage. I've seen several of these women and they lash out at any man in their vicinity.

I have a hard time imagining any of these people having happily-married parents to emulate.

A few months ago, I suppose, I saw an older man on TV - perhaps 65 - who spoke rapturously of his long-term marriage. One argument in 40 years.

Sitting a few seats from him was an unmarried man apparently his late 20s - and his attitude was the exact opposite of the older man.

Neither man spoke about their parent's marriages. I wish they had.

Obviously, the older man came from a different time. The younger man came from the modern times.

It's not just the emulation of a good marriage, there's a lack of education. The Old Testament, for all the horrors in it, also contains some very good wisdom about men and women. Is that still taught in church? Apparently not.

Good advice also exists in literature. I was surprised when I read Nathaniel Hawthorne, he of The Scarlet Letter we read in high school. Yet he, too, wrote about the greatness of a happy marriage. He had the experience - he was writing about his own ("We were never so happy as now—never such wide capacity for happiness, yet overflowing with all that the day and every moment brings to us. Methinks this birth-day of our married life is like a cape, which we have now doubled and find a more infinite ocean of love stretching out before us").

What literature exits today about such things? If it does exist, I'm not familiar with it.

We lack almost everything about what makes a happy marriage: examples, church, literature.

It's gotten so bad one of my friends mentioned to me he knows a 45-year-old women, going back to college, who took a class on "Society and Marriage," or a class with a similar name. He told me he was surprised at the wisdom in the textbook.

Is this how these things are taught today? In college? It's better than nothing, but way too late.

You're such not going to get much good advice from the Manosphere, not with the babbling from the more popular writers, many of whom are liars and frauds, about "alphas" and the "Dark Triad" and other such inaccurate concepts.

I wonder what the future. But then, I often wonder about the future.

The marriage rate is about 50%, which means it's really going to affect children, since the family is the bedrock of society.

It's been a long time since I've been in a house where I felt that peace and happiness from the family within. Years, actually.

That's not good at all, for men, for women, for children, for society.

20 comments:

Shaun F said...

I have seen this, happily married couples. One is an Orthodox born again Christian man, who I met in 86, when he was 32 and not what he is today. The couple lives with their remaining 6 children, in a big house in a place called Renfrew. It's a delight to go there and actually a privilege - because people don't see this stuff in this day and age. You know God exists when you see such a (formerly dubious) friend marry so well. As he puts it, and I agree, "My wife is the benchmark by which all other women fail." He's being glib, but there is some significant truth there. To add a bit of further colour to this picture, my friend's fifteen year old daughter works at Tim Horton's and with her tip money, buys all the customers treats. It embitters some mothers when I pass this on, but I pass it on, to allow their inner beauty to shine through their thin veneer. I can also say that my oldest and best friend of 40 years who I met in five year old kindergarten married very well. I stay with them each year in Ottawa for a couple weeks. His wife and children are just lovely to be around, and kind and patient. When you know what love looks like (or is), you definitely know what it doesn’t look like (or isn’t).

Anonymous said...

My own parents have been married for decades and get along very well - they seem to have a perfect marriage as far as I can tell. I've never heard my mother say anything bad about my dad. I think what they have is very, very rare, and an anomaly (the same goes for my grandparents). My mother has taken care of my dad when he was sick, and didn't leave like many so-called experts on female behavior in the manosphere would predict, because women only like men who can be the best provider, and women lack loyalty, so they say. I had a stable "Leave it to Beaver" type upbringing and family life in the suburbs with two good parents, and I'm grateful for that. My mom stayed at home most of the time, volunteered at school, while my dad worked and coached little league baseball. I knew very few kids growing up that had divorced parents.

The manosphere is full of talk about women being "hypergamous" and only wanting men with resources and income. I'm not sure how much of that thinking is accurate.

I seriously doubt that I will ever have what my parents have. I'm a guy in his early 40's and still single. I've been on dates with young women who actually boasted about being "bitches" and "high maintenance", like these are attractive traits for a women to have. I believe many young women these days are selfish and not marriage material. And the anti-male court system makes things worse. This makes me sad.

Anonymous said...

The joys of marriage:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9N3uRX0oyY&feature=share

Glen Filthie said...

'se manosphere is run by boys and very young men. They are as smart as a whip and they understand themselves and the modern woman very, very well. What - did you think they didn't see Dad going through the wringer in divorce court? Do you think these young men are going to take the endless barbs, insults and disrespect of the liberal moron forever? They know the score, they're on the internet and they are comparing notes and charting the course of third wave feminism with cold and calculated precision.

I've said this before, boys: we're obsolete. We were obsolete back in the 90's and into the turn of the century when these boys were young and growing up. Our society is indeed going for a shit, and they have made it clear that they will not be left holding the bag when it falls.

There was a hue and cry awhile back over an article written by some new age liberal fag bragging about what a great little feminist he was because while he stayed at home with the kids - his powerful and enlightened wife was out fucking random negroes and turdies she picked up in the bar.(I personally wonder if it's all a sham and we aren't being trolled by leftist wanks - but whatever).

We stand athwart the tides of history boys. Our women are bat shit crazy, our kids are hopeless sexually disturbed deviants and degenerates, and our culture is committing suicide. When the family goes - so goes the community and ultimately the nation.

Bob Wallace said...

"The manosphere is full of talk about women being "hypergamous" and only wanting men with resources and income."

Written by those with no experience, so they're reduced to regurgitating what someone wrote and they've memorized.

Mindstorm said...

"Rare as hen's teeth" - I have always wondered what does that mean, numerically.

Bob said...

I have been married for 43 years to one of mother natures finest women. In those 43 years, we have had four (4) serious arguments over - not surprising - raising the kid.

A vast number of American "women", or should I say " females of the species" today are vastly different than my wife, and my recommendation to any young man (18-30 yrs old) considering marriage is simply - wait. Look at the statistics, it's not wort the risk.

We were married at 34 and 32 years of age respectively. Most of our mistakes were behind us and we both knew what we wanted.

In my view, waiting - and gaining experience - is not bad advice.

Worked for us.















Anonymous said...

"... and my recommendation to any young man (18-30 yrs old) considering marriage is simply - wait. Look at the statistics, it's not worth the risk."

I don't understand this advice: Wait? Wait for what exactly? Wait for female nature to change? Wait for the divorce laws to change? Wait for men to wise up and take back authority in society and reduce womens' power in society? Wait for a decent, rational woman to come around (and how do you positively identify such a specimen? - Do tell).

Any sane, rational man is going to be waiting for a very long time.

MGTOW'd Out said...

"Any sane, rational man is going to be waiting for a very long time."

Actually, you can find them. You're just not very good at it.

Rusty Shackleford said...

The only thing I found surprising about this video is that it was aired on a network. I've seen the process so many time from the outside, though, with friends and coworkers. I wonder if most men would even be surprised by it.

I've seen great marriages that made both people happier and better. Looking for them with an American woman is like looking for a piece of hay in a stack of HIV infected needles. We are actively bending all of our legal, educational, cultural and financial resources towards the end of creating and empowering genuinely horrible women totally unfit for marriage or motherhood.

I wish something like hypergamy was an adequate explanation. In fact I think the simpler, more troubling explanation is that too many women in this country are delusional, morally and psychologically damaged narcissists. When an American woman smiles or talks to me it's all that I can do to end the encounter before I start rolling my eyes and smirking. Even when there is a physical attraction, the whole attitude and behavior of the typical American girl is a trainwreck. How messed up of a situation is that? In what other time or place have so many men been so disgusted and disappointed by their own women?

Bob Wallace said...

"Actually, you can find them. You're just not very good at it."

Can you ever refrain from insulting people?

Anonymous said...

"... and my recommendation to any young man (18-30 yrs old) considering marriage is simply - wait. Look at the statistics, it's not worth the risk."

If by "wait" you mean wait until the man and woman are older, 30+, to then consider marriage, I don't think this is going to help. If a woman is engaged in bad behavior and attitude (like promiscuity, entitlement, narcissism) when she is younger, when she gets older she will just get worse most likely.

And like you said before, the statistics (50%+ divorce rate) and the anti-male legal climate show that marriage isn't worth the risk.

MGTOW'd Out said...

"Can you ever refrain from insulting people?"

Just taking your lead. You're the point man.

"If a woman is engaged in bad behavior and attitude (like promiscuity, entitlement, narcissism) when she is younger, when she gets older she will just get worse most likely."

Replace "a woman" with "people" and "she" with "they" and you would be accurate.

"And like you said before, the statistics (50%+ divorce rate) and the anti-male legal climate show that marriage isn't worth the risk."

It's not worth the risk for YOU, yes.

"We are actively bending all of our legal, educational, cultural and financial resources towards the end of creating and empowering genuinely horrible women totally unfit for marriage or motherhood."

That is bombastic rhetoric.

"In fact I think the simpler, more troubling explanation is that too many women in this country are delusional, morally and psychologically damaged narcissists."

Too many men and women, yes.

"When an American woman smiles or talks to me it's all that I can do to end the encounter before I start rolling my eyes and smirking. Even when there is a physical attraction, the whole attitude and behavior of the typical American girl is a trainwreck."

Seems like you are delusional and narcissistic :)

Rusty Shackleford said...


"Seems like you are delusional and narcissistic :)"

Seriously, for a long time I thought I was a misogynist because I can't stand American women. Way too many of them are entitled, rude, tattooed whales waddling around in flip flops and sweat pants. Conversation is only about them whatever they are talking about, and they think it's cute and smart to throw out barbs and cut downs when it is actually only obnoxious and stupid. When I started meeting women from other countries it was shocking to me because they were generally capable of holding conversations and taking an interest in people besides themselves. I'm not saying anything new here. Any man who has experience beyond American women knows we are paying the equivalent of 5 star restaurant prices for truck stop cuisine.

Rusty Shackleford said...

"And like you said before, the statistics (50%+ divorce rate) and the anti-male legal climate show that marriage isn't worth the risk."

Numerous studies show that flat out mail order bride marriages have an 80% success rate. One Swiss study showed a success rate of 85% among Swiss men and women from the former USSR (Switzerland has a typically western 50% marriage failure rate among Swiss men and women )and a contrasting 80% failure rate among Swiss women and foreign men. How much better might the success rate be between western men and foreign women who meet outside of the transactional foreign bride websites and have an actual connection before marrying?

LosAngelesKing said...

"Just taking your lead. You're the point man."

Listen up everyone. The sockpuppet troll has just announced that he can't think for himself. No surprise there.

"Too many men and women, yes."

So says the mangina extraordinaire, Dave Futrelle's bumboy. Or maybe you're just Mark Driscoll in drag...who cares? You still haven't learned that patrolling the Internet rescuing fair maidens in distress, or slutbags for that matter doesn't earn you any respect from them, have you? Still pussy begging though. There may be plenty of narcissistic men in society, but their shitty behaviour isn't validated/rewarded by the legal system, the culture at large or "churches" like it is for women, and you know it.

And it is validated by jizz encrusted pussy worshiping manginas like you who help validate it. Man up, and marry the harlots, shrews, and self-entitled cuntscabs to save civilization, you constantly harp on these pages. Whether men surrender all their autonomy and rights and marry is none of your business. And if guys come to this comment section and advocate a marriage boycott, what do you feel so threatened about? Spare the bullshit of "you're contributing to the death of civilization" blah, blah, blah. Our civilization is dying and it doesn't deserve to be saved. Hell, you probably enjoy hearing of other men getting put through the meat grinder.

"Seems like you are delusional and narcissistic :)"

So says the mangina that clearly thinks he (it) is the One Good Man.

MGTOW'd Out said...

"Numerous studies show that flat out mail order bride marriages have an 80% success rate. One Swiss study showed a success rate of 85% among Swiss men and women from the former USSR (Switzerland has a typically western 50% marriage failure rate among Swiss men and women )and a contrasting 80% failure rate among Swiss women and foreign men."

Regarding the success rate, what specific factors are involved? Usually, the men usually of higher status (100k+ incomes) who desire a woman to cook, clean, and raise the children. Hey, if a woman desires that sort of arrangement due to their lack of financial stability, more power to them. A number of legal hoops, however, must be met before mail-order brides set foot in the United States.

"How much better might the success rate be between western men and foreign women who meet outside of the transactional foreign bride websites and have an actual connection before marrying?"

"Actual connection" being the operative word.

"Our civilization is dying and it doesn't deserve to be saved."

And our resident troll, The Obvious/Los Angeles King chimes in with more nonsense. Hi, there!

Rusty Shackleford said...


"Regarding the success rate, what specific factors are involved? Usually, the men usually of higher status (100k+ incomes) who desire a woman to cook, clean, and raise the children."

Yeah, because what kind of selfish, sexist megalomaniac would want a woman who's interested in being a wife and mother. Personally, I don't know any man who's ever married a mail order bride or used a bride service. I have no clue what their average income is, and I don't think you do either.


"A number of legal hoops, however, must be met before mail-order brides set foot in the United States."

The specific legislation is the result of a feminist powerplay called IMBRA, a statute which serves the duel purpose of slandering men who don't want to marry American women and protecting our native American bitch princesses from the competitive pressures of the international marriage market. It's also a tacit admission from our gynocracy that we're producing women that American men would not choose to marry if they had other options.



"Actual connection" being the operative word."

There are non American women from all nationalities in almost any American city. Skype, language exchange sites, etc. are free and travel has never been cheaper.

MGTOW'd Out said...

"Yeah, because what kind of selfish, sexist megalomaniac would want a woman who's interested in being a wife and mother."

Nothing wrong with a woman being a wife and mother. It's that the men generally want a robot.

"I have no clue what their average income is, and I don't think you do either."

It's called research.

The specific legislation is the result of a feminist powerplay called IMBRA..."

Actually, it is the result of two specific cases in which men with criminal histories ordered mail order brides with the purpose of them serving as their personal punching bags.

"protecting our native American bitch princesses..."

I would agree that SOME American women fall under this category.

"It's also a tacit admission from our gynocracy that we're producing women that American men would not choose to marry if they had other options."

There are a number of reasons why American men and women are not getting hitched compared to previous decades--economics, lack of faith in God, co-habitation, the single life.

Rusty Shackleford said...


"It's called research."

Hey, you're the one making arguments and backing them up with figures. Do you have any research to back up your numbers or are you just pulling them out the air?


"Actually, it is the result of two specific cases in which men with criminal histories ordered mail order brides with the purpose of them serving as their personal punching bags."

I wonder whether these husbands were high status, 100,000k+ men. Apart from infringing upon freedom of association, there is nothing in the logic behind IMBRA that ought not to make it applicable to domestic relationships as well. Why shouldn't a man have to go through a background check, obtain a license and show proof of it before approaching a girl at the local bar? If he hasn't done that, how is the poor woman to know that the man doesn't just want to use her as a punching bag and murder her? Why only single out foreign women in dating services for these protections?



"Nothing wrong with a woman being a wife and mother. It's that the men generally want a robot."

boo hoo