It's Not Fair That I Can't Find a Rich Woman to Support Me

I don’t think it’s fair that I can’t find a rich woman to support me. Or even a middle-class one. I’d prefer she not be a butterface, but I suppose I could put a bag over her head, the way Rowdy Roddy Piper did the frog-faced girl in Hell Comes to Frogtown.

Maybe I can’t have everything, so I’m willing to compromise a bit. Just a little bit. An itty-bitty tiny little bit.

Betty Friedan, who was not even a butterface but more like the Medusa’s ugly sister, had one job in her life as a third-rate Stalinist journalist when young, and got a rich man to support her when she was married to him, even though she was psycho and went after him with a knife and he had to fight her off with a chair.

They even lived in a mansion on the Hudson River in New York, and to live there doesn’t mean two or three million dollars. It means fifty or a hundred million dollars. They even had maids to do the housework. I’m willing to do the housework, so money can be saved on maids, as long, of course, it’s spent on me!

If a quasi-monster like Friedan can find a rich man to support her, why can’t I find a rich woman to support me? I’m smart and funny and kinda maybe sorta okay-looking, and I’m really good in bed unless that hooker was lying to me, so how come there’s not even one rich woman wanting to support me? Huh?

It’s not like us white guys can find high-paying jobs anymore, what with exporting our jobs, importing traitors, and Affirmative Action, which means “White Guys Need Not Apply.” It’s okay if we’re coal miners or carpenters or cab drivers or other jobs that get us killed or maimed, but try to get a job with an M.S. in Economics like one of my friends, who taught for seven years simultaneously at two community colleges and drove like 40 miles a day and was never offered a full-time position because he was passed over for women (incompetent ones who didn't know the math) and of all things, Africans (utterly incompetent ones). So of course he quit. I think he collects aluminum cans on the side of the road these days.

There’s a lot more women in college than men, so us white guys are being forced to the bottom economically by law, so how about cutting me a break and supporting me? I mean, what the heck do you expect me to do? Just die, maybe?!?!

I could just never figure this out. I mean, aren’t men and women supposed to be totally equal these days? I meet all kinds of women who want to be doctors, lawyers, veterinarians, business executives, etc., yet they don’t even ask me out for a cup of coffee! I just don’t get it! Shouldn’t I have hundreds of women ask me out, like a dozen every week? Huh? Why isn’t it happening?

How come I’m supposed to be the one to make all the adjustments? It’s just not fair! I’m supposed to adjust to women having careers and all, so why can’t they adjust to me and support me? Hmmm? Why do they think it’s fair the "educated" ones should have access to easy high-paying jobs but get outraged if I think they should ask me out, ask me to marry them, and then should support me? What is this? They expect all the advantages of being a man and a woman and none of the responsibilities of either? Wahhh! Not fair!

Maybe there should be Affirmative Action for guys. Since according to leftists all of us are supposed to be equal, and there’s no human nature since we’re all just John Lockean blank slates, then by law woman should be forced to ask me out to make up for all those years men did it.

I suppose there could be undercover cops, and every time a man asked a woman out he’d be given a ticket with a stiff fine. Woman would have to keep a record of all the guys they asked out (let’s say two a week) and then every week report to the local office of the Federal Dating Affirmative Action Bureau and show their records to the bureaucrats there. More stiff fines! And re-education classes, too, for resentful recalcitrant women! Then of course boys would be taught in grade school only girls can ask them out. We all have to be equal! I agree with that sentiment, of course.

If the federal government is interfering so much into the relationships between the sexes in the economy, then it should interfere in romantic relationships, too. Everything is connected, you know. The economy, romance, looks.

The Feds are interfering in everything else with their Panopticon, so why they can't interfere on my behalf at least once?

For that matter, what does love have to do with it? It should all be about fairness. Fair and equality is what matters, nothing else!

Ultimately I suppose science can make all of use sexless identical clones, so all of us can be totally equal. Isn’t that what we really want?

It might be kinda weird at first, but I’m sure we’d get used to it.