The Lonely Hell of the Formerly Cute

The humorist P.J. O'Rourke said it, not me. I wish I had said it, though.

I know a woman who was very attractive when she was in college. She was also very popular. Her tactic was to flirt with guys and act as if she was interested in them, so of course many of them would ask her out.

Then one day her popularity began to go away. It started when she was 27. And every year that went by it got worse and worse until it disappeared. Along the way something horrifying happened.

No man asked her to marry. She ended up as a man-hating spinster, living in a apartment with - do I really have to say it? A cat.

When marriage doesn't work out for a woman, she hates men and blames all her problems on them. When it doesn't work out for a man, he just hates marriage but not women. The spinster in question told me, "Men are responsible for all the problems in the world...they won't accept my career...they all have baggage from past relationships..." It was always them with the problems. Not her.

She had become Invisible. She finally found what it is like for unattractive women...and most men.

I used to own a taxi and for a while worked for an escort service. (I was also a bodyguard for the girls.) One of the things that surprised me was the number of lonely men who paid for the girls to do nothing more than come over and watch TV or movies...nothing else. Some went on dates with them; some did nothing but talk. In those cases there was no sexual contact at all.

I also knew a guy who when he graduated college, couldn't find a job in his field for several months. So he worked some nothing minimum-wage job, and in the evenings and weekends, when he didn't go out by himself, sat on his bed in a room in a house and watched TV. I thought that was sad and strange (and it is) but I found it wasn't so uncommon for guys when I worked for the escort service.

This I call "The Lonely Hell of the Just-OK-Looking."

I'm sure growing old must be tough for women, especially beautiful women - to go from the center of attention to being invisible. The span from the former to the latter is about 15 to 20 years.

There is an insurance policy against this invisibility in middle age, although a lot of women don't seem to get it. Appreciation, gratitude, respect toward a man...those go a long way. They are in fact essential.

Flirting is one thing...appreciation and gratitude and respect are another thing. Just because a woman is good at flirting doesn't mean she knows anything about those other, necessary qualities.

If she can do what she is supposed to do, then men end up wearing those Love Goggles, even when she is old. To be loved like this by one good man is infinitely more worthwhile than to be regarded as "hot" by thousands of men.

How did things end up like this? Feminism, mostly, which requires than women think of men as oppressive children who never grow up. Under such a belief-system, many men are treated with contempt - which is why the spinster I know ended up without home, husband and childre.

(By the way, men are not impressed in the slightest by women with "careers.")

The one thing that destroys relationships more than anything else is contempt. With contempt there can be no love or appreciation or gratitude or respect. And as for those Love Goggles, you can forget them. As for being invisible, you can expect it.