Her: Why do men want to fix things when women just want to talk?
Me: The word is “vent,” not talk. If you go to a doctor or mechanic, do you want things fixed or to just talk?
Her: That’s different. This is a personal relationship.
Me: Venting is for your cats and girlfriends, not me. Do you realize how insane it drives a man to listen to a woman babble and he’s got this overwhelming compulsion to fix what’s wrong?
Me: Well, now you know.
Her: It irritates me men want to fix me.
Me: It if wasn’t for men there wouldn’t be any civilization.
Her: That’s not true!
Me: Oh, bullshit. Men created civilization and technology. Without men civilization would last until the next oil change, and a world of women would be living in grass huts.
Her: You’re terrible!
Me: No, I’m not, just truthful. Men, specifically white men, created about 95% of everything in the world. Without us, blacks would still be living In 20,000 B.C., Arabs would still be living in tents and buggering their goats and each other, and have no idea they were sitting on top of all that oil, and Asians would be in about the 12th Century and still using chopsticks.
Her: I had no idea you were so prejudiced!
Me (sighing): Prejudice means to prejudge. I try not to prejudge. People use that word without knowing what it means. It’s like “racism” and “sexism.” The words don’t mean anything. They’re words invented by Communists, anyway.
Her: You sound like a fascist!
Me: I’m no fascist. But you do sound like a fuzzy-minded liberal female. It’s why women have usually not been allowed to vote.
Her: You are so annoying! I am so mad at you!
Me: Excited, huh? Want to have sex?
Her: No! Right now I hate you!
Me: You'll get over it. Almost all women are ruled by their feelings instead of their brains. Besides, I think you love me more than you hate me.
Her: Okay, you're right. I mean yes.
Me: I'm almost always right. And with women “no’ usually means “yes.”
Her: SHUT UP, YOU PRICK!
Me: (snickering) Whatever you say, sweetheart.