This guy was indeed a player. He was also a liar and a coward and a manipulator - and you can't manipulate anyone unless they want to be manipulated. In fact, every guy I've met who was a player was a liar and a coward.
I was living one summer in a co-ed house. One of my friends was also living there, and his friend (who I will call Pat and did not like) was the player. He didn't live there but often came over to see my friend Greg, who did live there.
One of the girls in the house, after meeting Pat, told me he had a permanent sneer on his face (which he did). He did because, like all players, he didn't particularly like women). Pat preferrred men as friends. And he was one of those guys who could never be alone.
Women to Pat were just for sex. Years later I found out Pat had sex with over 100 women and had devoted his life to seducing as many of them as possible. This guy would see two and three at once - which isn't hard when they're chubby and not good-looking and not very smart.
Pat, even with the sneer stamped on his face, was actually quite good-looking.
Of course, he hit on one of the girls in the house - and succeeded.
Pat would go out of his way to seduce women who were far less attractive and stupid than he was (he once got involved with a woman with a baby, who put Coca-Cola in the baby's bottle). They fell for Pat's looks. Then when he was done with them he'd be unpleasant to them until they dumped him.
He didn't care because they meant nothing to him. They were just narcissistic supply for his screwed-up, insecure but charming self.
Women, overwhelmingly (especially when younger) fall for the surface and can’t see through to the inside. That’s why Pat did so well with women. He was all surface and just about empty on the inside, like a balloon. Women often fall for the pretense, not the real thing.
The feedback Pat was getting from women had little to do with reality. That kind of distorted, unrealistic feedback is always a bad thing. These women were mirroring back to Pat something in reality he was not. "He's so good-looking! He must be a great guy!"
One morning I was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee. The girl Pat was seeing (whose name I do not remember) sat down at the table and announced, "I don't like your friend Greg."
To which I answered, "What makes you think I care?" I wasn't hostile about it but instead said it with a laugh. I didn't take her seriously at all.
That didn't stop her. She told me when she was with Pat, Greg had come over and tried to get Pat to go somewhere with him.
I knew what she was talking about.
Pat had wanted to get rid of the woman and so had called Greg to come over and get him to go someplace with him. Being a coward, he didn't have the guts to tell this woman he wanted to go somewhere.
Later this girl had written Pat a note about how Greg was "trying to come between us." I know about the note because Pat, laughing, showed it to me.
So I told this girl about how Pat had called Greg to come over because "he wanted to get rid of you." Of course you know what she said. "I don't believe you."
To which I answered, "Then how did I know about the note Pat wrote to you about how Greg was trying to come between both of you?"
Then I told her Pat was a liar and a coward and he was just using you for sex and was seeing two other women and he'd dump you in about a week. I don't know if she believed me or not. Probably not.
"Now you're going to ask Pat about these things, aren't you? 'You know what Bob said about you and Greg?'" I mocked.
She didn't say anything because she knew I had read her mind, so she got up and left.
I never found out what she did because the summer was over and I never saw her again. But after about a week Pat was done with her and moved on to another girl.
I remember thinking this girl was more of a child than an adult.
Years later I realized she was deceiving herself. And when you tell me the truth they dislike you for it since they don't like having their bubble burst.
I've been writing about self-deception recently. I came to the conclusion years ago it's easy to deceive yourself and you can't successfully lie to others until you first lie to yourself.
Not only was this girl lying to herself but Pat was also lying to himself. Rationalization and making excuses!
Not surprisingly he pretty much ruined his life. That's what happens when he devote your life to pleasure, which goes up and down and is never permanent so you always have to find a new source.
I sometimes use the phrase, "When morons collide."
It's more like when childish adults collide.
The girl was childish and Pat was childish and still is. And again I will comment that he's ruined his life. I haven't seen him since college but Greg still keeps in contact with him.
I've told Greg, "I wouldn't want Pat's life" and he agreed.
When you see people as things to serve your childish desires you're going to ruin your life. You can take that one to the bank.
Such are the wages to lying to yourself. You lose any respect for others and even for yourself.