Monday, January 3, 2011

Narcissism and Sexual Promiscuity

All societies that I know of have frowned on excessive sexual promiscuity. I used to wonder why but I don’t so much, not anymore.

Some years ago I lived in the St. Louis area. The city prosecuting attorney was a sleazeball named George Peach. It turned out Peach was a nut. He spent his career putting prostitutes in prison (as a misdemeanor, it’s up to a year) and putting their customers’ names and pictures in the paper.

I thought his behavior was way too extreme. I knew an old, retired city judge who told me during his time the city was involved in policing prostitution. Once a year the police would round up the girls and take them to the city health department to be tested. The police, judges, the health department – all were involved. They knew it couldn’t be stamped out, so they informally policed it.

Peach, on the other hand, while trying to eradicate something that cannot be eradicated, was frequenting prostitutes for years and using city funds to pay for them (he got caught on tape saying, “I’d like some oral sex to make me feel good”). When he got caught in a sting operation he started destroying city records to cover his criminal behavior.

The reason I know so much about that sting operation is because I got caught in it, since I was driving a taxi and was transporting a hooker to a hotel. Since I had no idea that she was a hooker, the vice cops let me go – and her, too, since they were after Peach. Although, I found out to my dismay that while being a hooker is a misdemeanor, transporting one is a felony, since it is “promoting prostitution.”

I always thought I was closer to Bob the Builder, not Bob the Inadvertent Pimp Felon.

Strangely, Peach never served time (which he should have), but did get fired, get probation and lost his law license. I don’t know if he had to pay any money back, but I hope so.

Peach had to have had a character disorder to do the things he did. He was some kind of narcissist, and was so sexually promiscuous he was paying dozens (who knows how many) of prostitutes for sex.

He caused a lot of problems because he just happened to have political power. He had to have zero empathy for the girls he put in prison and the guys whose names and pictures he put in the newspaper. I’m sure he conned himself he was doing a good thing, but of course was so disassociated from himself he could patronize hookers while simultaneously trying to put them in prison.

The only thing Peach ever regretted was that he got caught. It was always about him and how things affected him, never how he affected anyone else. That’s the way it is with all narcissistic people.

I started running across excessively promiscuous girls when I was a teenager. I noticed they all had certain things in common. For one thing, their idea of sex was something that lasted a minute. They never kissed – just like prostitutes don’t kiss.

All of them had problems with their relationships with men, not so much because of their promiscuity, but because of their character flaws that resulted in their promiscuity. Every one of them was self-absorbed and lacked empathy toward others. The sex, such that it was, was about them only, not about their partner.

How can you have any kind of relationship with someone of the opposite sex when you are self-absorbed and lack empathy? You can’t, not a successful one.

One 19-year-old girl I knew in college once told me, bitterly, that a man she had been interested in was told by one of her “friends” that this guy should stay away from her, because he considered her a nut. And she was self-absorbed, lacking in empathy, and her idea of sex lasted one minute with zero foreplay. It was for her, more than anything else, physical relief – it was just for her. She had no clue what she was like.

I knew another girl who had been a promiscuous party girl in college – sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll. She ended up 51 years old, unmarried, no children, and no prospects – all she had was a cat. She was also self-absorbed and lacking in empathy. She didn’t know it, unfortunately.

When I drove a taxi for a while I worked for an escort service. There is no such thing as a hooker with a heart of gold. They’re all mercenary. It was always about the money.

None of them had a relationship with a man and I never saw one who ever did. The guys were just things to them, ones to be used, which is the classic sign or a narcissist. Did they have empathy for others? Of course not. What concern they did have was only for their selves.

I have found the more sexually promiscuous someone is, the less they understand the other sex. In fact, they barely understand them at all. It can’t be otherwise, when you’re so self-absorbed it’s always about you and other people are just props in your play.

1 comment:

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Shan
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