Charming People as Addicts

I know a guy who's had sex with about 100 women. He'd lie to them, "tell them what they wanted to hear," target women who weren't all that attractive, lead them to think he was their boyfriend, have sex with them several times, then dump them,

Later in life he became a drug addict and ended up ruining his teeth. He still has them but says they hurt all the time, especially when it's cold out. He's going to lose all of them, sooner or later.

He didn't have much of a conscience about those women, and the fact there were so many of them leads me to believe he has an addictive personality. His drug addiction proved that.

An addict will do anything to get his fix. Their consciences are impaired. And that is what my acquaintance (he was never my friend) did.

I also know a woman who used a fair amount of drugs in college but was never an addict. She admitted to me she used to be very promiscuous. The guys didn't mean anything to her beyond being a fun time. She was a promiscuous party girl. She also smokes heavily, which I see as self-medication.

My experience has been that women who smoke usually have sex on the first date.

The cad has never had a serious relationship with a woman. The woman has had one but her boyfriend finally dumped her. Both of them, as far as I can tell, have never really liked the opposite sex all that much.

I came to the conclusion years ago that "sexual addiction" is just a way for the person to make themselves feel good. Their baseline emotional state must be way below normal for them to do the things they do to make themselves feel better.

It's a given that many addicts lose their conscience. That's why they use and manipulate people, although it may take years for them to realize that.

My definition of a "slut" is a woman who uses men for sex and is only concerned about her own physical pleasure. A "cad" is a man who uses women for sex but is only concerned about his own pleasure and not hers. (The more confused in the Manosphere refer to cads as Alphas, even though they are narcissists who cover up their insecurity and feelings of inferiority and humiliation with bluster, a lack of empathy and fake confidence.)

My experience has been that both cads and sluts are cowards. My cad acquaintance and one of his "girlfriends" once walked by a guy who said, "Your chick's ugly." The cad said nothing and kept walking.

The curious thing about such people is that they often are popular with the opposite sex. They're good at manipulation. It's as if they've learned to read people and say the right things. They can be quite charming.

"Charm" can mean to use words to manipulate. "Spell" also means the use of words. Sometimes it takes years to figure out that charming people aren't so nice. Bill Clinton, for example, was a charming man and also a serial rapist.(I've met women who refuse to believe that because they fell for his charm.)

These kind of people zero in on the people they want to manipulate. They use a technique I've heard referred to as "love bombing" - making the target feel very special.

It appears to me that charming people are doing this to get attention. They're addicted to it. I wouldn't call them psychopaths but they are narcissistic. They lack empathy even though their charm is a good disguise that many people can't see through. They're like the villainous version of the Shadow, who can cloud men's minds.

"Often, narcissists are very charming in order to seduce people into liking them. Their ability to seduce people is amazing. They appear confident and therefore exciting," writes Susan Peabody.

I haven't trusted charming people for a long time. They can be malignant.