When I was 16 years old I was walking to a party about a mile from my house. I encountered a girl I went to high school with. She was walking her dog, on a Friday or Saturday night while I was going to a party.
She wasn't good-looking at all. She was pudgy and even without the pudge she would not have had a good body. And she wasn't attractive at all in the face.
She recognized me, just as I recognized her.
She gave me a look of fear. I wondered, why? Did she think I was going attack her? Most probably not. Most probably she thought I was going to say something nasty to her because of her appearance.
I forget what I did. Maybe I said hi to her. Maybe not. I don't remember.
Later I thought, "She's not of any value to anyone." I'm sure she was of value to her parents, but at high school, no.
I've always remembered that one-minute encounter.
In college I started encountering people who were of no value to anyone, male and female. They spent their weekends alone in their rooms, watching TV.
My last year and a half in college I lived in a studio apartment attached to a two-story house. One evening I was in one girl's room, and this girl verged on being beautiful. She was putting on her make-up while looking in a mirror.
For some reason, out of the blue, I asked her how many guys had asked her out that weekend. I wasn’t even serious.
"Seven," she answered.
I was speechless. I had no idea what to say. Seven? I think my mouth even dropped open.
If seven women had ever asked me out I would have thought it was an elaborate, cruel practical joke.
The difference between the girl walking her dog and the one putting on her make-up was based on one thing only - looks.
I have almost never seen a man be nasty to a woman. Once, I can remember. I have seen many women be nasty to men, including men they don't even know. A dozen times.
I can only conclude these women think these men are of little value, otherwise these women wouldn't treat them like that.
From that I can extrapolate there are a noticeable number of women today who think many men are of little value. I find that odd since men created and maintain society. Women can't do either.
The Manosphere is obsessed with "how to be a high-value man." Its prescriptions are in many ways nonsense and in fact dangerous, since they include such words as "psychopath" and "Dark Triad."
Yet I never encounter anything about the most important things that people want - to be appreciated and respected. To be considered as having some value. To not be ignored or abused. To have meaning, importance and community.
When people have an unwanted self bestowed on them they usually end up feeling shamed and humiliated, like the girl walking her dog. I've always wondered what happened to her.
9 comments:
"Yet I never encounter anything about the most important things that people want - to be appreciated and respected. To be considered as having some value. To not be ignored or abused. To have meaning, importance and community."
You said a mouthful there. That's what our quests for wealth,status, beauty are usually all about, trying to prove our value to other people. It's kind of sad because those things don't bring you satisfaction, they often leave you worse off than before. I think of Whitney Houston, Robin Williams, all the rich and beautiful people who just sunk into despair and eventually killed themselves. So, yeah, get yourself beautiful and healthy, but don't make that who you are because it's empty and superficial.
Re your last paragraph, read Vox.
'I can only conclude these women think these men are of little value, otherwise these women wouldn't treat them like that.'
Either that or I'd conclude the woman has had a long period of time of inflated self pride and she overvalues herself and thinks a lot of men are of little value (especially guys who lay it on thick with the compliments). And why wouldn't she...a decent looking woman can put up a selfie on any social media site and look at how many thirsty men give her compliments.
The thing women don't get because many are shortsighted is a woman has 10 to at most 15 years of that...then whatever value she placed in looks will go downhill fast as the newer crop of 20 year olds emerge.
Most women do not seem to realize that most, if not all, of their appeal to men is "front-loaded" in their lives - youth, beauty, pleasant personality, and these traits can fade abruptly over time. Promiscuity hardens a womans' personality and attitude towards men. To all women: Men don't care about your career or hobbies. A normal man will not want to be with a woman he does not find physically attractive and want to shag - It's biology. Women, on the other hand, can be all over the map in what they find appealing in a man.
'A normal man will not want to be with a woman he does not find physically attractive and want to shag - It's biology.'
At least at first...but if she has a corrosive personality that's going to suck the life out of a guy no matter how physically appealing she is.
Spot on as usual Earl.
Boys, ya gotta know what you want out of a relationship before ya start, or you'll pump n' dump your way through a worthless procession of tire-biters and morons and you'll get the worst of it too.
That girl was afraid of you Bob, because she was an ugly girl confronted by a what I am guessing was a handsome and popular boy - and she was intimidated. I know the feeling because I am a rather homely man and if a beautiful woman turned her gaze on me I would rather have her look away than be turned into a toad by my ugliness, HAR HAR HAR!
There's a likely chance that homely girl met a toad like me, associatively mated and lived happily ever after. If so, that is what the game is all about. I look at you guys getting divorced out there, having your hearts and wallets torn apart and thrown on the ground - and I wonder what you're smoking and why you're doing that to yourselves.
"Either that or I'd conclude the woman has had a long period of time of inflated self pride and she overvalues herself and thinks a lot of men are of little value (especially guys who lay it on thick with the compliments)."
You ASSUME that women in general today believe they are special snowflakes, which results in their cavalier attitude toward men. Also, remember that men tend to offer compliments to women because 1) they were taught by their fathers to respond in that manner or 2) they are using game as the means to raise a woman's buying temperature and kiss close.
"And why wouldn't she...a decent looking woman can put up a selfie on any social media site and look at how many thirsty men give her compliments."
They are not "thirsty" men, they are men who are compelled to act in that manner for a number of internal reasons.
"The thing women don't get because many are shortsighted is a woman has 10 to at most 15 years of that...then whatever value she placed in looks will go downhill fast as the newer crop of 20 year olds emerge."
No, whatever value a man places in her looks may lead that woman to "go downhill". A decent woman who is 40 or 45 years old will attract a number of suitors.
Anonymous 12:38...
"Most women do not seem to realize that most, if not all, of their appeal to men is "front-loaded" in their lives - youth, beauty, pleasant personality, and these traits can fade abruptly over time."
Um, no. A woman's youth, or beauty, or personality doesn't "fade abruptly" as a general rule.
"Promiscuity hardens a womans' personality and attitude towards men."
Promiscuity by men and women hardens their personality and attitude towards each other.
"To all women: Men don't care about your career or hobbies. A normal man will not want to be with a woman he does not find physically attractive and want to shag - It's biology. Women, on the other hand, can be all over the map in what they find appealing in a man."
Actually, men are interested in a woman's career and hobbies, as evident by tens of thousands of men who go on dates every year and employ a number of strategies to ensure a second or third date--they ask questions about those things. Moreover, men and women equally do not want to be with someone of the opposite sex if there is not that initial physical spark.
This piece reminded me of a conversation I had in Montreal in 89 at University. I was chatting with a woman after an exam. She was pleasant, I can't say she was attractive. And I was encouraging her to go out and "enjoy" herself after the exam. I was being engaging - and then I noticed she had a prosthetic arm (not so understated when you see it)- and I suddenly sense how awkward this moment was for her. I presume this limitation of hers probably created a certain amount of social ostracism when growing up.
"They are not "thirsty" men, they are men who are compelled to act in that manner for a number of internal reasons."
There are no "thirsty" men. That's Manosphere babble.
"they are men who are compelled to act in that manner for a number of internal reasons."
That is exactly right.
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