Me (drinking a root beer while pumping gas into his taxi): Dum de dum dum, dum be dum dum.
Scrawny Black Crack Whore: Do you have a nickel for a pack of cigarettes?
Me(thinking): Hm. A nickel for a pack of cigarettes. She’d have to get at least 60 nickels to buy a pack. This tickles me. (Aloud). Here’s three dollars. Get some cigarettes.
SBCW (face lighting up like she’s riding a Sybian): Oh, thank you! Thank you! Can I suck your dick?
Me: (spurting root beer out of his nose): That’s okay. You don’t have to.
SBCW: No, really, I want to. Please let me.
Me (trying not to chortle): No, that’s okay. You really don’t have to.
SBCW: Please, please, please?
Me: Honestly, it’s not necessary, really.
SBCW: Well, okay, if you don’t want a bodacious blowjob! (wanders inside to get her cigarettes).
Me (getting in his taxi and driving off): Bodacious? I don’t even know what that word means.
Woman in car (honking horn): Hey, taxi driver!
Me: (looking out his window): Yes?
Woman: You looking for a date?
Me: I thought you wanted directions!
Woman: I’ll direct you white cock into my mouth! How about it, baby?
Me (looking at the root beer in his hand): What did they put into this stuff?